i swear i just get stressed over everything always i failed rhis semester and now internally have the self worth of a used condom i'm sick so life always feels like a downwards spiral when i'm sick i double booked my family dinner thing with this dance thing i have to do or else i'm probably fired from this thing i really wanna do and work hard on but if i miss this family dinner maybe the las... » Continue Reading
i'm failing :| all my classes all it's so embarrassing like BRO I CHOSE THESE i want so hard to be good at school but i'm just so not built to do it it's not even like they r torturing me i honestly wish they were like beating me stabbing slashing punching would be so much easier to accept than this every day i don't go to class it gets worse too i just spiral into shame and regret and i h... » Continue Reading
i feel like a liar i feel like my mother i feel like i have to be generous or my existence is a net negative oh u have mental illness you must prove your worth you lungs are to be shared and hit by all your stomach should be able to feed an army at any cost your liver was drenched by another so you must pay i cant say no to people if i don't let them take my shit then why would i even have fri... » Continue Reading
i have so much love for this world and so much hate all i want to do is live so long i die early my goals consist of wanting to succeed so much i crash and fail i'm am born of flesh and blood but creak without machine oil and i'm a hypocrite through and throughout toodles4now » Continue Reading
i hate being alone i feel like i'm not whole when i'm alone alone time and having something to do is ok but just like the ambience of only me in a room makes life feel so much harder people bring warmth and light and laughter being alone is so cold i've had to get used to the cold a lot cold food cold room cold blood and too much warmth can make me melt the sweet spot is amazing though comfo... » Continue Reading
i hate being alone i feel like i'm not whole when i'm alone alone time and having something to do is ok but just like the ambience of only me in a room makes life feel so much harder people bring warmth and light and laughter being alone is so cold i've had to get used to the cold a lot cold food cold room cold blood and too much warmth can make me melt the sweet spot is amazing though comfo... » Continue Reading
i keep having that overwhelming feeling that someone i love will die soon and i'm so scared i think about my yaiyai in times like this she's the last one standing in her family she's created generations but nothing exists behind her anymore she's alone i don't ever wanna be alone like that i don't think i could take it she tells me her fears of dying and i can say nothing but how i love her and... » Continue Reading
this is a rant i wrote in my notes a few days after my sweet boy mochi died s love again i want to be comforted by his purrs i want to pet him and give him hugs i wanna see him sitting somewhere and feel compelled to take a picture i want to hear his chirps and meows from » Continue Reading
how is it fair when i was born and my siblings were in their teens and early 20s no one wanted anything to do with me and now 20 years later my step brother has his kids and suddenly toys are allowed in the living room, pictures can be on the fridge, shitty art is put up on display, and everyone wants to interact and provide a safe space for them. what about my safe space? what about when you let... » Continue Reading
i get 2 weeks of alone time with D+J gone on vk so what better way to commemorate then blog! *airhorns* i will not say i'll try to blog everyday because i know i won't but recently i've switched to a flip phone (because i'm just so hip and cool) jk marsh just got one and i also wanted to live out my hannah montana era so with this switch i've been texting a lot less and way more concise but i'm m... » Continue Reading