bitten off piece by piece

i feel like a liar 

i feel like my mother 

i feel like i have to be generous or my existence is a net negative 

oh u have mental illness you must prove your worth 

you lungs are to be shared and hit by all

your stomach should be able to feed an army at any cost

your liver was drenched by another so you must pay

i cant say no to people if i don't let them take my shit then why would i even have friends 

if i don't give the shoes off my feet or the food from my mouth then i'm some cruel dictator 

people used to only use me for my things or my house it's all i know and now i can't go back 

if i don't give them everything they will see how dull i am 

i have no worth outside my possessions 

or at least that's what it feels like 

i wish i could start new again 

new city 

new people 

new life 

no ties maybe that reset i'll finally learn how to be a person

but i hate being lonely what's life without company and what's company without giving 

god i so truly just want to die and not have to stress or worry or feel like a burden all the time 

i feel like i can't talk to anyone either because then i'm burdening them again 

i'm afraid if i show my emotions to people they will get to tired and leave 

i've always tired people out 

sucked them dry of their emotional capacities i guess 

i wish drugs fell from the sky like show 

i could lay in the cold and just let it consume me 

numbing and healing and then nothing 

i hate global warming where is the snow my seasonal depression now feels like a burden because it's not even that cold i'm still just depressed tho

i wanna go ice skating 

maybe build a snowman 

i wanna feel loved and not feel heavy on people 

i want to feel like my existence isn't causing pain

maybe in another life 

toodles4now~