the end of the world or maybe just a thursday evening

i swear i just get stressed over everything always 

i failed rhis semester and now internally have the self worth of a used condom 

i'm sick so life always feels like a downwards spiral when i'm sick 

i double booked my family dinner thing with this dance thing i have to do or else i'm probably fired from this thing i really wanna do and work hard on 

but if i miss this family dinner maybe the last christmas i get with my yaiyai womp womp ahahahah 

fired from cool maybe dream performance art job or spend christmas as a family with your dying yaiyai 

i thought maybe typing it out would help me choose but god my brain hurts 

i suck so bad at school fuck i wanted so badly to just maybe pass a class this semester 

i wanna just curl up and die 

all i do is sit in bed and cry and try and distract myself with tv shows and then cry some more 

i have no energy 

no motivation 

no spark for life 

i'm so tired 

when i see friends i feel more whole but after a certain point even with company they rot seeps in 

i think my favourite boots are rotting 

molding on the inside 

i wore them without socks to many times 

i've worn them down and torn them up but i love them so much 

sometimes i just silently scream open my mouth and just yell with no voice 

i'm scared 

i'm sad 

i'm lonely 

i'm hurt 

i'm sick 

i'm tired 

i want to go home but i'm sitting in bed 

i feel like i'm accidentally pushing away the people that i love 

marsh is probably going to leave me for ottawa 

i cant say i didn't see this coming but god it hurts so bad 

another tally to add to the score 

everything is truly temporary 

i wish i was more temporary 

my time is so past due and my misery is far to much 

i don't know how much more heartbreak i can take 

whatever 

toodles4now~