Samael/Aydan

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"Dying"

I´m a zombie

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Samael/Aydan's Blog Entries

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fuck

Category: Life

September, Suicide Prevention Month.  I really hope that all the fucking depressed people who are reading this aren't depressed enough to do it.  My boyfriend wrote to me particulary for this month and many questions went through my head.  'Why him?' 'Why me?' I asked myself if he would really belive that I am so depressed as to be able to do something like that, and I realized that really I am. I... » Continue Reading

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i'm still alive

Category: Life

It's not like someone cares, but I still breathe. live is fucking exhausting, did you know? I fkng hate it but, What else can I do? On july 6 i turned 15 and life has only felt worse since then.  When you're 15 you're not too old or too young. Almost every fkng pop teen angs » Continue Reading

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shit

Category: Life

today is May 24 and i did the must stupid fucking shit i ever did in my stupid fucking life. I hadn't smoked for 147 days, and today i ruined all that with a single cigarette. I had cried for 3 fucking hours and i realy thought than maybe just one would make me feel better. I dond't know if i made it, because richt now i can't feel anything. I told my boyfriend the truth and i'm sure he's never ha... » Continue Reading

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a funny joke (my life)

Category: Blogging

This shit happened on friday of the last week, i had forgotten to write it down here. i has coming home from school, my older sister had arrived maybe 2 or 3 hours before. i was going to open the fucking door and the fucking key wouldn't turn. I tried again, and again, and again, and fucking again but fkng nothing. My sis tried to open the door and dind't make it either. She was trapped inside and... » Continue Reading

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The most undignifield moment in my fucking life

Category: Blogging

may 2, two weeks ago. i was in biology class feeling bad for myself, listening my favorite punk band. i felt fkng nauseous in the midle of the stupid fkng class, so i pushed my friedns to fuck off to get out as fucking fast i could to the bathroom. The god damn bathroom is on the other fucking side of the damn school. i couldn't turn off the music when i had already staeted to thow up like a drun » Continue Reading

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is anyone here happy?

Category: Life

Tomorrow i celebrate 1 month with my boyfriend, or to be more specific, in 3 hours. i feel a lot of things at the same time, things i don't fucking know how to handle. My heart, so fkng cols and rotten, is happy. Happy because i got him in my life, because he love me, because he decide be with me. At the same time, i feel so fucking scared, because it feels like a timer, like a countdown.  Why wou... » Continue Reading

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just a depressed teenager who wants support

Category: Life

i'm writing this to know that i'm not the only idiot who feels bad and is upset all the fucking time with no reason.  » Continue Reading

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