shit

today is May 24 and i did the must stupid fucking shit i ever did in my stupid fucking life. I hadn't smoked for 147 days, and today i ruined all that with a single cigarette. I had cried for 3 fucking hours and i realy thought than maybe just one would make me feel better. I dond't know if i made it, because richt now i can't feel anything. I told my boyfriend the truth and i'm sure he's never has been more disappointed before. I feel like the lowest shit on the whole fucking world. I've never cried that much in my life as I did today. 

Am I really a bad person? Do I really deserve everything bad that happens to me? i Couldn't even write that shit without feeling disgusted with myself. 

I feel like i'm just victimizing myfnkgself.

That was today's shit. i'll go put on perfume and brush my teeth.