???

today it's december 12 of 2024.

Since June of this year i have to write what day it is.

I'm scared. since a few months ago my brain and perception of reality it's so fkng altered. it feels like i'm constantly dreaming. probably tomorrow morning i'll forget that I wrote this. 

My biggest fkng fear is the fact that I feel like my bf doesn't exist. I can touch him, i can hug him, kiss him, talk to him, hear him or see him, but I can't fell him. 

I'm afraid. afraid because i don't want to wake up and find out that him never exist, that it was just me and my fucking mind. I never felt so alone and lost than now. 

my fucking stupid brain it's playing to ruin my days and memories. 

please, if anyone knows what the fuck it's happening to me, tell me. please, tell me. 

if I look in google, I just find stupid stuff. if I ask to my parents, I'm sure that they won't belive me. 

I'm scared to ask for answers, I'm scared to ask for help, I'm scared of madness, I'm scared of the medications i'll probably have to take if this is serious. I'm scared of myself. I'm scared that this will be my life forever.

My brain it feels like a knot of different issues and problems that fuck me every day even though I know it's stupid. 

I don't like this, I don't want this. Can please somebody help me? just a possibility or answer.