how I think about myself and other stupid stuff

Today is Febuary 18th 2025

I have been whith myself my whole life. I know every detail about being me, with all my virtues and defects. 

The worst part of hate yourself, is that is no scape. it's there every day, torturing you and eating you from the fucking inside, day and night. 

I know every part of my body, and i'm sure that I hate the must part of it. 

I realy want to know how it feels being loved. You know, that kind of person who always makes everything fucking shine around them, who is always complimented and asked where they buys their shoes or what is the name of their haircut. That kind of person who doesn't know how it feels being descard or just not be the center of the social group. 

I wanna know how it feels being handsome, or just respected. 

Preatty people have their lifes in easy mode when we talk about how other people treat them. They have no idea how important it's being preatty because they have never lived it. I wish it wasn't like that, 'cause it's so fucking awful.

with the past of the years, I learned that my beauty problems are not about my style, make up, haircut or my personality. The problem it's my face and my body. 

it's sounds like i have nothing of self love, but it's exacly how I feel about myself. I don't know ow I suposted to love myself when I see my reality in front of my eyes. I'm not handsome. 

I wish I was, actually. we all want to be loved. we are more than 80% of the people in this world who wants to be preatty. life would be easyer for us. 

if I could, i would change my whole face to be exacly the face I see in my dreams when I go to sleep every nigth. 

I want to have a face and body that suits whith my feelings and how I feel about who and what I am. 

I used to express myself here in english, even if is not my first lenguage. I think now I know what I do it. 

for me it's so fucking embarasing have feelings, so it's more talk about them. 

I feel safe when I write something like somebody else, my feelings sound more important, you know?

I don't know, I think more than one person in the world have the same feelings than me. I want to belive it.