"Questioning my life choices.. "
Mentally Overwhelmed, Emotionally Fâ¨cked
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Category: Life
Earlier today, after a night of being unable to sleep, I had an orthopedic appointment. He wanted to check in, and see how my wrist and hand were responding to the healing process. So far, the break has healed and everything looks good on the x-rays. ...however, the pain had not stopped and seemed to be intensifying. Which my wife helped explain in detail when I couldn't find the right words. He ... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
I'm sorry for the weird, and depressing post I made last night. Adjusting to these new meds, while coping with the fact that my body is steadily having more and more issues is overwhelming. Today was a lot. I barely slept, but I had a cortisone injection in my wrist and my Ortho popped my tendon back into place. So the pain is lessening. ( Maybe I'll get some good rest tonight..) Things are gett... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
Life feels like it's one big joke. Since the moment I gained consciousness, I felt so disconnected from it all. The world didn't look real. I didn't understand where I was. Why I was here. What was happening or why I existed. None of it was right. I'm not sure how else to describe it without sounding like I need to be in a mental ward. Maybe there's something wrong with me? I don't know. I sp... » Continue Reading
— 1 Kudos
Category: Writing and Poetry
You lingered there, just beyond the flames. Dark eyes watching, a flicker of a smile, yearning broiling up from within. "What are you waiting for?" A question not spoken, but from his stare I know. That hunger burns bright. I yearn. » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
There's a lot of things that I cannot do. Days spent in bed, struggling to form coherent thoughts through the fog. I've lost so much of who I was to something that has been stealing everything from me for years. It isn't fair. It isn't fair that my mind acts against me. How my legs give out on me, the way I can't control if I drop something due to my brain misfiring. I just wanted to exist witho... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
There's so much about myself that feels like one great big lie. I spent so many years struggling with self image, the overwhelming burden of who I was told to be. But now I don't even know who is staring back at me when I look in the mirror. Who am I? My Mother wanted me to be someone, like her. A woman, wrapped in thorns, screaming out as she's pulled beneath the ocean. A wounded soul, unable ... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
Death seems to follow me everywhere. That isn't something I say lightly, because it's the truth. It never feels fair. Every time I come into someone's life or their proximity someone they know dies. Be it a family member or friend, and it feels like I have bad luck that I'm passing onto them. It's been this way since I was a little kid. It feels like I'm the cause of it. This is one of the mai... » Continue Reading
— 8 Kudos
Category: Life
Happy Birthday to me, I suppose. Today I turn 32, and it should be a happy occasion. I have plenty of reasons to celebrate my life. A group of people that love, and care about me. That want nothing but good things for me. But, I don't know how to tell them that I don't enjoy being alive. It's two birthdays now since my Dad passed ( from cancer ), and I feel the pit in my chest growing larger wi... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
...my sleep cycle is ruined. I spent nearly a week and a half struggling to get back on a normal sleep regimen, but here I am once again up late. It's a messed up combination of of a bare flare-up, depression and dealing with the tension of a fight between my wife and I. I'm not going to go into the situation, but in her words "You were in the wrong". So, I'm sitting on the floor of our bedroom ... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
It's been 12 weeks since I broke my wrist, maybe even longer due to the time frame of when the pain began to worsen since I moved to my new apartment. ( My room mates told me the pain began when we were still living at the old place..) Where I live there's a clinic called "Baycare" that I went to when the pain intensified and I couldn't sleep. They took x-rays and told us it was just a sprain, gav... » Continue Reading
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