"chilling :]"
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Category: Blogging
i'm trying to figure out how to gracefully respond to rejection emails -- i'm also trying to organize myself a little bit more. it's messy. growing up is messy. i feel pulled in like four thousand different directions, and i'm not really sure what i'm doing. i guess that's what growing up and becoming an adult and coming into your own is about though, isn't it? not knowing what the fuck is going o... » Continue Reading
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Category: Blogging
i'm looking at proper jobs -- it feels weird. i'm in this strange dichotomy of feeling like i'm trying too hard to be too adult too fast, and like i'm simultaneously not doing anywhere near enough. i feel like i'm just not doing enough in general. everything just feels weird -- i don't know. i've been saying that a lot lately, 'i don't know,' and maybe it's just like, part of being an adult? or a... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
happy 2am -- almost 3am, but not quite. it'll definitely be by the time i'm done writing this. two minutes and counting, and i don't type at light-speed. i've been working on some stuff recently -- music stuff, youtube stuff, streaming stuff, art stuff, just stuff. lately i've kind of taken to adopting a sort of "jack of all trades, master of none" persona. i don't know that i particularly mind i... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
i just missed starting this blog post with a blaze it joke. the ghost of 2011 past is frowning upon me. anyway, remember when i said i needed to stop going to bed at 3 or 4am? yeah, old habits go down hard i guess -- go down swinging, like a scrawny punk; like a house party full of drunk teens. wish i was one of them (eighteen still counts.) unfortunately self-love has been forcibly shoved into m... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
gooooooood morning, i woke up at 9am today and did all my morning stuff, and i am so tired. like, so tired. but i'm working anyway, because i have to. i need money because capitalism and i also need money because, big shocker, i'd like my body to at least someday look how i want it to. and i'm 15k away from freedom -- give or take -- so. time to buckle down harder, i guess. i've added some new de... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
good morning -- or, afternoon. i need to stop going to bed at 3 or 4am just because that's the only time my brain wants to do creative stuff. i've gotta train that out of me. anyway, speaking of creative stuff, i've been working on a website -- i'm not gonna say what it is just yet, because it's literally not even anywhere close to being finished or even 'beta test, you can scroll through it if yo... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
had an interesting night last night -- who knew that reading about addiction as a previous level 1 addict could give you a panic attack? "i learn a little more each day!" "i'm embarrassed for my friends to see me like this." blugh. my sister's supposed to come home today, along w/ my nephew -- that's very exciting, but also kind of nerve-wracking because it's dawned on me, i have no idea how to ho... » Continue Reading
— 2 Kudos
Category: Blogging
i'm still at my sister's apartment -- i don't know why. it just feels calmer here. it might be lack of sleep but my head's still not quite where it should be (bed at 4 and rise at 6:30 will do that to you. i'm running on pop tarts) but i just wanna stay here a little longer. it's obviously not home but there's a dog, and food, and i'm not staring at the same four walls endlessly. i think i'm start... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
i'm in my sisters apartment right now -- she's having a baby, so i'm dogsitting. it's not hard but i have trouble sleeping in foreign places -- and, i'm having even more trouble because her boyfriend has a shit load of guitars (and a bass) and my hands are itching to play. im keeping my stray fingers to myself though -- for the most part. mainly, my heads a little swimmy. i can't help it, i'm over... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
today i am thinking about, of course, this song . do with that information what you will. i started my day with sunflower butter bread (cant have peanuts), water, and reading -- i'm on a depression vacation, & not super sure if it still counts as an "episode" if it's months long. town: my bed. population: me, some tissues, and my cat. i'm still reading gray » Continue Reading
— 1 Kudos
Category: Blogging
who would've guessed that transitioning is -- gasp -- incredibly stressful, expensive, and inaccessible? what's that? literally everyone? yeah. i'm trying to weigh my options between plume, folx health, and my local family planning and good holy fuck is none of it cheap -- $99 a month for plume feels cheap in comparison to fuckin' folx health. "accessible trans healthcare" my ass; near $200 a fuck... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
finally trying to forcefully drag myself out of my depressive hole -- don't make the wording weirder than it already is. i don't feel better, not yet and i probably won't, but i'm trying. i woke up before 4pm. that's something, right? that counts? as part of that effort i've also been working more instead of just using my desktop as a sims machine. i'm in the process of porting all the stuff fro... » Continue Reading
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