"The only two things I can think abt, my husband and science."
Just call me Xol, xe/he
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Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
I love science so much, I'm sitting here balancing chemical equations giggling and kicking my feet because it's just so neat. I can't get a job in a lab at the moment and it is so sad, but I do have a good job at a library so I'm not terribly mad but you know how it is. » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
I don't know why I'm like this. I don't know why I choose to let the flames lick my face rather than to run. Running is a very viable option, a good one, and yet I'd rather let the flames devour me. Under a starless sky, the fire swallows up the land and leaves it as pitch as the plane above it. Great pillars of white smoke bloom from the land, the orange glow can be seen for miles. The road looks... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
I have such a wonderful support system, but at times, I can't help but feel like my insides have been gutted out like a pumpkin and that I am nothing more than an empty house. I am frequently happy, but sometimes, when I am alone, I cannot help but feel a great crashing distance come over me. It's as though I lie within the ground, I know there are people above me, but by distance, I simply cannot... » Continue Reading
Category: Writing and Poetry
Maybe that's the problem with me That everything That I can sing Is a Destruction of self, A cry out for help, A metaphor, Or something more To make me read between the lines And see just white. But perhaps the blank space Allows the scene to take place. » Continue Reading
Category: Writing and Poetry
There's an itch in the middle of the back of my right hand. If I look close enough, I can see a small, black, writhing form. It moves to the bottom of my palm, just below my thumb. And then it stretches. It moves to the center of my wrist and bridges through the open space in my bones. It pushes my head and my shoulders as far apart from each other as they can go. It locks my spine and pools in my... » Continue Reading
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Category: Life
I wish I could describe to you this feeling. This feeling as I drive down a dark Midwestern highway in a car from my childhood, the smell of cigarette smoke still permeating the air even though my grandmother has been dead for three years now. How I feel on this dark highway when at another time, this could be the build up to something grand, but now I am inching toward the inevitable demise of th... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
I had kissed my partner goodbye for the day and waved as she left my car and retreated into her house. I could hardly see him through the fog once he had gotten out, but I waited until he got inside before slouching away in my big blue car. I always like driving up and down the back roads that connect our houses, especially at night. It was that when I got to one of the stop signs that dot that tw... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
Oh, mornings like these When the window's been opened To bring in the breeze. We wake up with the sunlight, The TV's on playing Doctor Who. I get up to fold laundry And you put your arms around my neck behind me Saying something like "how can I be to your disservice?" And then helping me out. And we finish up chores and get dressed, Heading out to shop and get lunch, Spending the day walking aroun... » Continue Reading
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Category: Music
I don't know what it is, but I've just been thinking about the song Becoming the Lastnames by Will Wood a lot lately. My desire to be like the best aspects of my parents but also feeling like their worst parts have soaked so deep into who I am that I don't know what things would be like without it. I want to be good. I just want to grow old with my favourite person. They don't want kids, but I can... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
The only people Anna was ever kind to was the Sterling boys, That being my father and I, Everyone else was just noise. Since the day she was born They thought, "What a miserable child!" Oh but the parties she'd host, When I was too young to see them get wild. And she smoked like the prairies in the spring, And she watched infomercials to buy necklaces and rings. When I was a boy, she'd lead in ou... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
I'm so tired of this body Something that's never, never done well for me. Resignation shouldn't be the reason for a massive life decision. But I hardly chose anyway, Just pushed along in the wake. Here's hoping, Here's hoping surgery will help. Because, I'm afraid, the pain won't fix itself. We just want to be done, But, chronic is chronic, So here's hurting. Here's hurting, with you. » Continue Reading
Category: Books and Stories
There's a stack of books in my room-- or rather, a textbook about the cardiovascular system, a magazine for My Chemical Romance, a folder full of notes on emergency medical services in my large scrawled out handwriting, Queen tapes that I have yet to put in my car, and the book Good Omens that I am annotating for a friend. This isn't the only stack of books in my room, far from it, I have referenc... » Continue Reading
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