on the top of my head i can think of the moment in mustafar where anakin says "if you're not with me, then you're my enemy" and obi-wan says "only a sith deals in absolutes" which is a great example on how people with bpd see the world as only black and white & no greys. anakin doesn't deal in absolutes because he is a sith, he does it because he has borderline personality disorder. after he was s... » Continue Reading
i am not diagnosed but since i can't afford to be diagnosed, i made my research well and i know for a fact that i have bpd. so long term relationships are really hard for me, i have not been able to make even one relationship work. which makes me feel ashamed because it feels like my being human program hasn't been coded fully. i seek too much love, i was raised by not one but two narcissistic par... » Continue Reading
this is kind of funny coming from me since i’m mostly a loner and don’t like being around people much but i Love making friends and i love having little interactions with people i don’t even know. today i saw a dog cutely lying down on the floor so i smiled it at it and a middle aged woman smiled with me too, yesterday i was at a children’s playground and i was swinging and this seven year old swi... » Continue Reading
boy i did drink tonight but it didn’t feel nearly as good as listening to live through this album while constantly falling asleep and waking up. being drunk should feel like this but it doesn’t. it reminds me of my migraines it’ll be a while before i drink again. also i hate myself so much i’m literally unbearable i dk why’s anybody staying beside me. and this semester i kinda flanked academicall... » Continue Reading
i usually feel alone anyways but i just saw my friend’s stories and she fell asleep next to his boyfriend and i got so so jealous. i know i should be happy for her and i am. it’s just that it gets so lonely that i feel jealous about even the smallest thing. and i know this is all my fault because i can never make relationship work. i guess i’m bound to be alone it’ll just never work out for me. p... » Continue Reading
today was tiring. i had 5 lessons and all of them were grammar except one - which i learned new words in . when i got back to my dorm i almost fainted from exhaustion. this makes me think about the time my kanji teacher told us about how japanese people can die from exhaustion so often that they even have a word for it. i guess studying japanese in college comes with the exhaustion rate of japane... » Continue Reading
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