i don’t have passion

i don’t have passion for anything. i don’t do anything with an ambition. i think that’s the biggest void in my life. i have no reason to keep living and it’s driving me mad. i don’t enjoy anything enough to make an obsession of it for a long time so maybe it could get me career or at least a hobby, an outlet. i have none. i have tried everything. i don’t want anything enough to fight for it. i am just an empty shell of a person floating in whichever direction my parents lead me. i’m never fully happy, i don’t get up in the morning get excited about anything. every night when i go to bed the thought of tomorrow scares me. i am so tired and the tomorrows seem neverending. i just wanna crawl up in a fetal position and wait for my body and soul to rot. 

i can’t even focus on the lessons of the major i chose because i thought i’d have future with it. turns out i can’t. because i don’t have any passion for it. every lesson just another burden on my shoulders. and i am so scared of death it’s funny. i am not alive anyways.