"awake"
i go by many names. i am one year older every year.
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Category: Life
i was having my usual friday night routine where i think about how i need to get my shit together and stop feeling sorry for myself but tonight feels different. i am thinking more about how much i have merged my identity with suffering. and i feel not too dissimilar to Artax, stuck in the mud, struggling to get out which makes him sink further, except that i’m not a Horse in mud and i’m actually h... » Continue Reading
— 2 Kudos
Category: Writing and Poetry
it's impossible to chase nothing because there's nothing to catch. and it's impossible to chase everything because... how do you carry it all? idiot . i keep pulling the rope and my hands are both raw and calloused and i'm drenched in sweat but i keep pulling the rope trying to find the end and i think i know that there is no end, because i think the rope is actually a ring. so i kno... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
The sound of the front gate of my childhood home opening. 姥姥姥爷冰箱里的一百鸡蛋。 taking care of my ballet shoes. The sound of the front gate of my childhood home closing. sleeping on my left side Listening to beach life-in-death for the first time Ankle socks. I have started wearing them again. my inside socks. feeling accomplished after completing something. fresh haircut. need to make it happen. cashiers... » Continue Reading
— 2 Kudos
Category: Life
i dont know how people with anxiety disorders survive... being anxious is genuinely the worst state to be in ever; definitely worse than being depressed. i would not consider myself an anxious person and only really feel anxious when there's something to be anxious about (e.g. a huge life change, indecisive decision making, issues with my relationships, regular stuff) and in what i'd consider to b... » Continue Reading
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
deeply considering becoming an accordion player. But i have decided that i need to prove to myself that my current hobbies have been worth the investment. i have a very bad problem with Boredom. i pick up so many hobbies so quickly and invest money into them without appreciating them to their full capacity because i move on too fast. i dont want this to be another one of my abandoned projects. if ... » Continue Reading
— 1 Kudos
Category: Blogging
on wednesdays we do rag out, where the two dollar rack must be put into green bags and sent to another store in the south east area. Despite having two full racks of discounted clothes, theres always a bunch of clothes throughout the store that need to be collected and bagged. this whole ordeal can take up to three hours if we've only got one or two people doing it, so to keep myself from getting ... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
Sometimes, most times, when i eat watermelobn i imagine it is massive and i am standing inside of it (never imagine that you are tiny inside a regular sized watermellon because you should never make yourself feel small) kind of like in cloud witha chance of meatballs when they are in the jelly house. When I eat watermelon i like to chew it slowly at first, so that I can pop them with my hands insi... » Continue Reading
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
i set an 100 movie goal for this year and it's already february 15th and i've watched a grand total of! three. So i need to get my hustle on if i'm planning on making that goal. the good news is, my dvd collection has grown substantially since i've been working part time at salvos, and i've got a bunch that i havent seen yet. i think i will watch zoolander tomorrow. i have not seen it before. camo... » Continue Reading
Category: Music
i havent been listening to any music at all the past two ish months. every now and then i find myself completely bored and uninspired by music. nothing sounds good. nothing excites me. i realise that i love to go about my days in silence. sitting quietly on the train. walking in silence. sleeping in silence. i have not been going to shows often either because of work. which is also probably partia... » Continue Reading
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