Ivan Absentia

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— 2 Kudos

Last day of work before Tokyo

Category: Writing and Poetry

Why’d he have to make this so hard? Dom’s cousins were so proud of him last night but it’s too late. He’s fired when we get back.  Why’d she have to be here on my last day? To torture me?  Why’d there have to be a pop up today? On a Sunday? Because god hates me? Hopefully it’s a mellow day. Just one last shift then tomorrow it’s 2 weeks of freedom in my favorite place on Earth.  My body hurts, so ... » Continue Reading

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Tokyo in a few days 4/3/25

Category: Writing and Poetry

Going to Tokyo in a few days. Excited. So busy these days but when I’m back it’ll slow down. When I get back a lot of things will change for the better and I’m optimistic for the future. Hez will stay in the band and Shayan will join. I’m excited. I’m surrounded by such good and kind friends I can call family. I just wish things would work out with me and someone. I wonder if she’s insane enough l... » Continue Reading

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— 1 Kudos

3/23/25

Category: Writing and Poetry

 I can’t believe any of this is happening. Life is supremely strange. I have 40 children, I’m in a post-whatever band performing in Tokyo in 2 weeks and I’m married to my gay wife now.  Someone I love is acting strange but I don’t know, I have a feeling everything will work out. I have to fire my friend from the band, he won’t read this and you won’t tell him I hope. When we make it back from Toky... » Continue Reading

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2/7/25 Time/Identity

Category: Writing and Poetry

So much has happened over the course of my life. I had no idea I’d be here. I have no idea who I’ve become. I kinda’ like it though. I have no idea where it’ll go. I miss the comfort of childhood but that’s purely a nostalgic rectification, or revisionism excluding all the agony. Things are finally good. Not perfect but good.  To love and to lose, is that not all we can hope for and more? I posses... » Continue Reading

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1/20/2025

Category: Writing and Poetry

Everything is almost all in its' right place. Waiting on a bunch of tracks back that should all come in one fell swoop.    Every day feels like a battle. » Continue Reading

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1/12/25

Category: Writing and Poetry

Jesus christ it’s 2025. Things have already been wild beyond belief. Out of work because of the stupid fire. Think I got approved for disaster unemployment thankfully. Nearly done with everything. Going to be an insane year of adventure. Think I have a hot date. Things are strange. I’d write more but I’m tired. It’s been too long. I’ll come back to this soon. » Continue Reading

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12/22/24 Love and Astrology

Category: Writing and Poetry

Cristina’s astrology app thing said you can love more than one person the other day. Funny. I talked about my feelings with her, she’s my best friend. She’s my therapist too haha. My zodiac app thing was also eerie and relevant. Probably just the phones listening to our every move collecting all the data and spewing out what we want to hear. In a way though it’s still truth in the algorithm. A mir... » Continue Reading

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12/22/24

Category: Writing and Poetry

Vocals are done for the record. I did it. Now overdubs and a few vocals in a few spots and a tiny bit of production. Then the ball is 19 people’s court for a month. Everything is happening so fast. Tickets and hotel booked for Japan. Crippling debt haha. Cris has a girlfriend and she’s happy. She’s so beautiful and I love her. Looking forward to the wedding. Will be strange. Miss someone who I don... » Continue Reading

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12/15/24

Category: Writing and Poetry

I can’t sleep. I can’t help but worry I’m ruining everything and everyone’s life around me. I ate some of that fake mushroom chocolate I got from Preston. It sucked. I felt the black cancer of my aura, the curse in my soul. The drug itself was nauseating and felt dirty, probably 4-aco-dmt. I feel cursed, my friends don’t realize it or see it but I know. I feel repulsive and hated by the universe. ... » Continue Reading

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12/13/24 prayers to the future

Category: Writing and Poetry

The year is drawing nearer to an end. I didn’t ask to be born, to be here. I didn’t want to be a burden and I think these days people look up to me or enjoy my friendship which is a new feeling for me. I feel the weight of responsibility. Things are being fulfilled, paths of destiny are being woven and funnelled towards an inevitable future. Next year will certainly be strange and rife with advent... » Continue Reading

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12/8/24

Category: Writing and Poetry

So I’m kind of going through a lot right now. I don’t know if I can manage guiding and caring for all of my friends and making sure I’m the best friend without fucking up. I don’t know if I can save everyone from themselves let alone myself. I don’t know if I’ll nail this monumental task of finishing this record with 23 musicians on it. I’m not sure where I’ll be or what I’ll do once this is over.... » Continue Reading

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12/8/24

Category: Writing and Poetry

So I’m kind of going through a lot right now. I don’t know if I can manage guiding and caring for all of my friends and making sure I’m the best friend without fucking up. I don’t know if I can save everyone from themselves let alone myself. I don’t know if I’ll nail this monumental task of finishing this record with 23 musicians on it. I’m not sure where I’ll be or what I’ll do once this is over.... » Continue Reading

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