1/20/2025

Everything is almost all in its' right place. Waiting on a bunch of tracks back that should all come in one fell swoop. 
 

Every day feels like a battle.

I don’t how how much longer I can keep fighting.

I’m so tired, I could sleep for a million years.

When it’s cold outside, bundled up in warmth. 

I’m spiritually exhausted. I don’t know how much energy I have for the onslaught. I need respite.

I can't wait to be free of this process and maybe make some sense of my life. Who or what I am and what I'm doing. Language continually fails us. The world is in comedic shambles in a tug of war between geriatric disconnected fools. 

I'm a fool myself in all sorts of love, thinking I can fix anything at all. 

I don't really know what else to write today. I started learning music theory finally, and learning Japanese again. Going to do Muay Thai and Jiu Jitsu tonight. I made my New Year's resolutions:

New Year's Resolutions(finally):

1. Get in better shape/Muay Thai AND Brazillian Jiu Jitsu

2. Finish the album

3. Learn more language(Russian, Spanish, Japanese)

4. Learn music theory! 

Mildred might finally get on a label(dear god please).

I need to get a second job. Japan trip is coming soon. Hopefully we get enough money from the Mildred gofundme for the record. We have 700 so far. If we even get to 1200 thats immensely helpful. 

What a whirlwind last year was and now this year the mad world shows no signs of slowing down. 

She told me to read a book after eavesdropping on my conversation. The way she ran away, she doesn't know I'm A. already been in love with her B made me love her more. My heart fluttered. It was sweet. Maybe I'm mad and she doesn't feel even remotely the same but to me the moment was tender and sweet. So I'll let it inspire me and fill me with bittersweet joy.