Tokyo in a few days 4/3/25

Going to Tokyo in a few days. Excited. So busy these days but when I’m back it’ll slow down. When I get back a lot of things will change for the better and I’m optimistic for the future. Hez will stay in the band and Shayan will join. I’m excited. I’m surrounded by such good and kind friends I can call family.

I just wish things would work out with me and someone. I wonder if she’s insane enough like I am to read this but probably not. I’m definitely in love with her and I can’t change that. I didn’t anticipate this but I really care about her and if where we’re finally back to right now is the extent of our relationship then I’m content. There’s no way I care this much and she’s always on my mind and she doesn’t feel the same way. If I believed that I could let go. Maybe if she reads this she’ll do something. Maybe she doesn’t understand or believe how I truly feel. I haven’t felt this way about anyone except Cris. I wish I could move on but I’m left in this limbo. I wish we could just talk, have a heart to heart. I’d feel so much better. I miss how we used to be even. I’ve known for a while and I feel fucking stupid but I know I love her. Maybe she’s repulsed by me, hates me. I just wish I knew that too. 

I know things will work with music and we’ll do good things. I can’t wait to see the bright future we create. When we get back we’ll do that Palestine benefit show and raise money to save lives. We’ll continue to write beautiful music, and with the right people now. I’m spending too much time on this right now. These words do me no good. I’ll be back later.