-the sick feeling i get whenever i spend money -i can be as gross and horrible and mentally ill as i want but it will never be the same as when a boy does it -my fascination with gore on spacehey, not in an edgelord way but a self-sabotaging internal desire to be traumatized -why the fuck do i have sex dreams about people i've never spoken to -i would eat human flesh before i ever ate an animal -m... » Continue Reading
It was my birthday on Saturday! The existential horrors persist into yet another year of hellish existence. I am one year older, I am the same young, fragile and directionless soul but now everyone around me expects me to finally act like an adult. My mother invited my immediate family over for dinner and cake. It was fine, I'm not too fond of when there's a lot of people in my house but I got a ... » Continue Reading
I've been in one relationship in my life. Well, "relationship" is a strong word. More like three weeks of awkward hanging out and occasional kissing with a boy who wouldn't shut up about his stupid black metal bands. Apart from that experience, I've been alone my whole life. I would get so insanely confused when I was in tenth grade, hearing people even younger than me say they have multiple exes... » Continue Reading
My empty stomach shakes with that low, comforting growl, the one I've now become well acquainted with. I sit in my 8th grade French class, shifting uncontrollably because now matter how I sit my bones poke out into my chair. My leg had fallen asleep again. I'm not listening to anything anyone around me is saying, I never do. I have better things to focus on. All of my attention is on my Chromebook... » Continue Reading
'she/they.. so like, a demigirl? non-binary? or are you just trying to be different? you like girls? lesbian! oh you like boys and nonbinary people too? you're pan! you're bi! you have preferences sometimes! ohhh so you're omni! wearing black? seriously? you're so fucking emo! or are you punk? you go to punk shows right? you're a punk. but you look pretty goth. what subculture are you? what's your... » Continue Reading
Oh dear. She's beautiful. She's got this thick, dark wavy hair with the underside buzzed off. Her eyes are a little sad, like mine. She's always wearing at least 3 necklaces and all her tee-shirts have the necklines cut off. Proper sort of modern punk, in a genuine do-it-yourself way that's honestly rare nowadays. Her voice, the way she talks and laughs and looks at me when I talk. She moved here ... » Continue Reading
"You look like Shelley Duvall!" The girl said to me, her voice raised over the chatter and blaring music of the venue. I knew what she meant by that, my sad eyes and gummy smile with big teeth. Shelley made it work, though. Shelley was thin and had a straight nose. Not me. I'm plain ugly. I thanked the girl of course, telling her she was so sweet and complimenting her outfit in return, then she tr... » Continue Reading
I want to get into collecting bones. I have a few I found in the forest just over a year ago but I'd like to expand my collection. If anyone has any tips on how to safely handle/clean bones I'd love the advice. Thank you... » Continue Reading
Halloween time, folks. Leaves are changing and I can wear two sweaters without sweating my tits off. I've decided to be a bat for halloween, because it's an easy costume to make, easy to dance in (wings tied to my wrists and neck and a ear headband), and I'm a little strapped for cash right now. Me and my friends are going to see my favourite local band's annual halloween show on the 25th, which I... » Continue Reading
Small ramblings for today. Two days now my head has been splitting in the middle of class and I think it has something to do with the horrible ache in my gums on that same side of my head that started around the same time. I want it to go away but also I think it's building character and also maybe I just like to wallow in self pity a little too much. Anyways, bandmates are making me learn more Ni... » Continue Reading
I know they're worried about me. I know they don't want me to get bad again. But COME ON. It was THREE YEARS AGO when I was starving myself. I've been on such a good streak, eating enough and living a normal life, until just this morning I make myself some breakfast and my dad told me I 'needed to eat more than that' and forced me to down some yogurt, something I used to be made to have with break... » Continue Reading