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I'm ruined.
Category: Writing and Poetry
This is the real me. I get what you meant now. This exact familiar feeling. This is what "I" feel like. Me. it hurts » Continue Reading
vaguely_zwee.
"im probably sleeping or animating rn"
i'm totally awesome i think.
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vaguely_zwee.'s Blog Entries
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I wish that I were pure and innocent with none of these thoughts raging in my head.
Category: Writing and Poetry
gsjiaoooooekgnkjangolsdnhgolasjkfnoajklnhosafjklgnasgjkbjkgnoughsghngjagnjgngn agjkkoijfkfnlklkkfnklgknlgjpogiwgpgwiphwgwg gnfgnoadiodgasigjosdklgniosadgjnoiasdg0re9ut98woeytuoiweijlkfdvnkldiughfvjnxclmkohulbi iohdugbvjcxkn;po;iuy8gfvbpofi098uvydgsewhnj3rkle;dspckmzl get it out of me i can't take this anymore not even 'it always comes back', not even 'focus on fixing my future', it's that my thoug... » Continue Reading
— 1 Kudos
I hate myself more than anyone else.
Category: Writing and Poetry
HAH just kidding ...okay not really but i definitely hate Lucas and mom more than I hate myself. but its hard because i hate myself so much. i hate myself so much. i hate myself so much. i hate it. i hate this. i hate this and i can never seem to fix it ----because its me! that's what makes it difficult even though i can hate Lucas and mom and those who have hurt me miles before i begin hating my » Continue Reading
— 1 Kudos
How was I ever convinced they could love me?
Category: Writing and Poetry
My sister ran off to live with her boyfriend in 2018, 2019? Guess they're married now, but that's hardly the point. His mom was friends with another neighbour mom that had two kids. He had a brother, 2 kids and a girlfriend as well. So they were one big family, one group. When I started living there, I went to a barbecue. The neighbour mom took a photo of everyone and posted it to Facebook. Capti... » Continue Reading
stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid
Category: Writing and Poetry
I'm still so unhappy every day. I'm filled with words that get locked in my throat. The lights are dim as I sew my tongue down, the words will pile up until I suffocate or choke a few out. My shoulders fail to release a decade-long tension, my legs seize and my muscles atrophy, and I try to sort through this junk-mail littered brain though I've not once been convinced that the pile has been grazed... » Continue Reading
For the first time in my entire life, it seems like things might be looking up.
Category: Life
I don't know what to think about that. But I just have this sneaking suspicion, this irk in my stomach, that I'll be calling myself stupid in a month or two for getting so hopeful. Hopeful? Am I really that hopeful? I think I'll just call myself stupid for thinking it could change in the first place. Well, that is what always seems to happen. I'll just try to keep my head on straight. » Continue Reading
okay now what
Category: Life
i'm in a hotel right now and i'm about to drive like i dunno 8 hours home and i booted up my laptop, used my phone's hotspot cause there's no free wifi here, and opened discord to check my messages. all in all, pretty casual, right? then BOOM!!!!!!!!!! 3 messages from my sister!!!! what a gasp worthy occasion!!! like woohoo!!!!!! my monthly message from someone who hurt me very deeply!!!!!!!!!!!! ... » Continue Reading
But I can't articulate, I can't get all my thoughts out, because I'm not supposed to.
Category: Writing and Poetry
I'm not supposed to. I keep lying and lying and lying to myself and that just makes the way I cope worse than it was in the first place. I mean, it's not like I'm even coping at all! Every day is the same shitty ideation, always having some kind of content thrown into my thoughts so I don't have a chance of thinking. I already figured out the truth, my truth, the good sole truth of it all even, bu... » Continue Reading
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Agonizing, agonizing, agonizing, this is agony
Category: Writing and Poetry
"You can't use your friends as therapists. You can't throw all of your problems onto other people. You can't tell your teachers about the family. These kids are so much better than you, can't you be a little more like them? God, you're such a terrible friend. I mean, it's not like you were really abused. It was horrible, but, well, it was just sibling squabbles! You're this old and still victimizi... » Continue Reading
i'm probably not going to blog on here anymore
Category: Blogging
i added too many people, which no fault to you guys you're all neat and cool but i feel like i can't be honest in my writing anymore because i have too many people added ＞︿＜ i might post the more refined stuff or thoughts of the day but not everything. bleh » Continue Reading
i feel like my life is on max tick speed
Category: Writing and Poetry
it's 1:38. i'm gonna try on some clothes, try and pick outfits. oh shit 2 outfits in and its 2:43?!?!? ok this is one example but oh my GOD i've been dissociating a lot lately. is it even dissociating? aren't you supposed to like. teleport? and everyone says i have no sense of time but i'm also not diagnosed with anything so its whatever hahahhahahahah i can't do anything i like!!!!!!!!!!!!! black... » Continue Reading
— 2 Comments— 3 Kudos
What did I really expect?
Category: Writing and Poetry
In truth, I know that nobody is going to save me. I know that my lies are my own fault. I know I'm going to wind up restarting high school. In fact, I know I'll probably not return at all. I know I'm never going to get a job at my age. I know that none of this is good enough for me anymore. I know that this is all my responsibility. I take accountability for my twisting of the truth. And I'm not ... » Continue Reading