"im probably sleeping or animating rn"
i'm totally awesome i think.
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— 1 Kudos
Category: Writing and Poetry
GOD WHO TALKS ABOUT THEIR DAUGHTER LIKE THAT WHY WOULD YOU OBJECTIFY YOUR DAUGHTER AND WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO GODDAMNED MISERABLE ON A HOLIDAY?!?!?! IT'S HALLOWEEN AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO DECORATE YOU KEPT CALLING OUT EVERY MISERABLE THING BECAUSE YOU LOVE BEING MISERABLE AND YOU CAN'T HELP BUT SUCK ALL THE JOY AND FUN AND WHIMSY OUT OF EVERYTHING LIKE THE FUCKING LEECH YOU ARE STOP CALLING ... » Continue Reading
— 2 Kudos
Category: Writing and Poetry
I've gotten used to this mold. I've let it grow, and I cradle the space it continues to claim inside of me. Knowing this solace of an ultimate choice; I rock my head into a wall at night. It's my proof. This lingering disease I've welcomed and cultivated. It goes quiet, but I feel it pushing behind my eyes and ears every day. Be it months, even weeks, and my knees will buckle again. I'll hear a » Continue Reading
Category: Writing and Poetry
I used to push everything on 42. I used to think that once I got out, everything would be okay. There's nothing else to it. Now that he's silent, I feel like a resin has cured over me, and I'm shelled into this body. I feel like I am permanently ruined from my trauma. I can't screw my head on straight. My mind wanders into places I've drenched myself into a million times. When I indulge, dip, I a... » Continue Reading
Category: Writing and Poetry
If Lucas really has changed, then that means he always had the capacity to change, and I just wasn't worth changing for. If Mom can change for Tim. If Cole can change for Sara. If Lucas can change for Laura. If Liv can change for Walker. It just means I wasn't worth changing for. I wasn't worth anything to them at all. Did I ever mean anything to them at all? I've known the answer a thousand times... » Continue Reading
Category: Writing and Poetry
It doesn't hurt me as much as it used to. I try to put one foot in front of the other now, willingly or not. I'm looking for something; that's what I like to say. But really, it's just the same old game. Late at night, when I find an old notebook or sketchpad, that blurry face I can hardly remember shows up again. Your side bangs. The turtle nightlight. Stars stretched up on the ceiling. Manga ske... » Continue Reading
Category: Writing and Poetry
I can't tell anyone this. Will it stay a draft or will I keep it up for a night or two? I've been totally racking my brain since we made hard plans, coming to terms with the fact that you'll leave. I've tried to accept it. But you said, so abruptly, that you didn't want to know. You didn't say "You don't have to tell me"; or "I want you to spit it out already". "I don't want you to tell me." Point... » Continue Reading
Category: Writing and Poetry
i don't like sleep. its like my worst enemy but its not. its my only entirely detached escape but temporary fixes have always been torture for me. i have these horrible nightmares. hey, wait. no i don't. i fucking don't. even my worst PTSD euuu euuughhh whatever nightmares and dreams of being chased around or my family trying to kill me or anything like that, none of it is as bad as- THAT. and it... » Continue Reading
Category: Writing and Poetry
This is the real me. I get what you meant now. This exact familiar feeling. This is what "I" feel like. Me. it hurts » Continue Reading
— 1 Kudos
Category: Writing and Poetry
gsjiaoooooekgnkjangolsdnhgolasjkfnoajklnhosafjklgnasgjkbjkgnoughsghngjagnjgngn agjkkoijfkfnlklkkfnklgknlgjpogiwgpgwiphwgwg gnfgnoadiodgasigjosdklgniosadgjnoiasdg0re9ut98woeytuoiweijlkfdvnkldiughfvjnxclmkohulbi iohdugbvjcxkn;po;iuy8gfvbpofi098uvydgsewhnj3rkle;dspckmzl get it out of me i can't take this anymore not even 'it always comes back', not even 'focus on fixing my future', it's that my thoug... » Continue Reading
— 1 Kudos
Category: Writing and Poetry
My sister ran off to live with her boyfriend in 2018, 2019? Guess they're married now, but that's hardly the point. His mom was friends with another neighbour mom that had two kids. He had a brother, 2 kids and a girlfriend as well. So they were one big family, one group. When I started living there, I went to a barbecue. The neighbour mom took a photo of everyone and posted it to Facebook. Capti... » Continue Reading
Category: Writing and Poetry
I'm still so unhappy every day. I'm filled with words that get locked in my throat. The lights are dim as I sew my tongue down, the words will pile up until I suffocate or choke a few out. My shoulders fail to release a decade-long tension, my legs seize and my muscles atrophy, and I try to sort through this junk-mail littered brain though I've not once been convinced that the pile has been grazed... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
I don't know what to think about that. But I just have this sneaking suspicion, this irk in my stomach, that I'll be calling myself stupid in a month or two for getting so hopeful. Hopeful? Am I really that hopeful? I think I'll just call myself stupid for thinking it could change in the first place. Well, that is what always seems to happen. I'll just try to keep my head on straight. » Continue Reading
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