Negan Mactavish

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"Always open to talking. "

I’m a massive confusing creep.

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Mood: Very very self-aware


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Negan Mactavish's Blog Entries

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I guess I got all this thinking time now.

Category: Life

My mental health has drained. It sucks and a lot of the dark pieces have come from the shadows to grip my shoulders. We never realise what distractions we have until we don’t. I’m listening to music more and more frequently too to block out the noises of both reality and the weird shit. A demented old stranger yelling verbal abuse every near chance he gets, family talking to the point they sound l... » Continue Reading

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— 2 Kudos

At 12 today I put my best friend to sleep.

Category: Life

I wish I had more time. I thought I did; in January we had 5 to 6 years estimated with him going over the average life expectancy. Then in February we found the tumour. Then in March, he couldn’t move his back legs or go to the toilet. Then in April, he waited till after my birthday to stop functioning.  I hate the number 2 + 1. It’s dangerous. Every time a 2 + 1 enters my age suddenly it’s one tr... » Continue Reading

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I’m 22 + 1 now.

Category: Life

It was an ok day, an ok celebration but I can’t say it was 100% for me because my boy is dying as I type this. The first events into 22 + 3 are not going to be happy ones. They are going to be upsetting. After everything I’m failing at I was great at being a parent to my furball and he let me know. Purring, curling up on my lap, by my side, following me around, bringing me little dead or alive thi... » Continue Reading

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— 2 Kudos

Constant confusion and other negative shit

Category: Life

I still adore this site because of the bit of nostalgia I get from it. It’s lovely. It however has faded quickly the moment Flash started getting sicker. I’m constantly caring for him. Recently I went almost a week without proper sleep I got maybe 5 or 6 hours in but I was absolutely energised. I had a buzz and I felt like I could do anything until I ended up falling asleep for hours and woke up a... » Continue Reading

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1 Comment— 2 Kudos

Does anyone actually read my blogs?

Category: Life

I am exhausted. I feel like all the progress I made is dropping and I know it’s gradually gonna destroy everything. I’m happy I got time for my baby boy but I can’t stop thinking about the end.  I’ll be holding him as he goes and I don’t like that. He’s gonna be alive one minute then he’ll stop breathing the next. Gone. Just like that. No one tells you about the passing they just say focus on the ... » Continue Reading

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— 4 Kudos

Finally got a TikiToki after years of avoiding it and it’s bizarre

Category: Blogging

There’s a large number of teenagers faking disorders and pretending to have problems and even things like Tourette’s. It’s when it’s painfully obvious fakery of them having very very quiet ticks cause mummy and daddy downstairs might hear them. Or it’s very heavily copied ticks from other people like Trippy Hi » Continue Reading

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— 4 Kudos

An ok day I guess

Category: Life

So first day out in the buggy. It was very successful. He adjusted quickly, occasionally he called out but he either sat there looking around or just laid chilling out. At one point he was purring, making biscuits.  The buggy is nice, firm, and sits as a basket with a hood and an attachable mesh cover. There’s two clips inside which you attach to the harness’s D ring and there’s several mesh windo... » Continue Reading

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— 4 Kudos

Dreams - Rambling on my problems

Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

I often have strange and surreal dreams or even violent nightmares. Occasionally during the three seconds of rest I’m given a somewhat normal or even fantastic dream. Last night was somewhat normal. I drank coffee and was standing outside; my body kept changing into another every few minutes. Here’s the actual strange part: Morgan Freeman was walking my dogs and called out to let me know I didn’t ... » Continue Reading

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2 Comments— 14 Kudos

Probable Cringe (Scene, body, image, therapy)

Category: Life

Let’s start off blunt. I mentioned I’m in recovery; I didn’t mention why I’m in recovery. I’ve only learned of these things in recent years. I would say the past 3 to 4 years was when it became very prominent. It’s PTSD, Dysmorphia and a suspected Dissociation disorder but it’s not clear what.  I started receiving private therapy sessions around autumn last year after an unfortunate incident with ... » Continue Reading

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