disasterous category 5 hurricane melissa is making landfall right now. sounds of explosions, debris flying everywhere and hitting structures, trees bending and snapping, huge drop in air pressure, 180+mph sustained winds reported. and that's west of landfall. the eye is almost a perfect circle— this storm is unbelievably strong. jamaica is already put through it hard as it is. they're going to nee... » Continue Reading
sometimes i get feeling like i'm better than other people. i don't believe it's narcissism. meaning, i don't have narcissistic personality disorder. perhaps some traits, but not the disorder itself. i don't fit the criteria (the twisting of the word "narcissist" to mean abusive or vitriolic, that's its own nasty beast that i won't get into here). it isn't that i look down on anybody when i get int... » Continue Reading
all animals do drugs. red foxes are immune to the toxins in amanita mushrooms and consume them just for the fun psychoactive effects. squirrels, birds, bears and deer eat fermented berries and seeds to get drunk. chimpanzees chew on the leaves of the kratom trees for the opiods. dolphins kill and play with pufferfish to get high off the toxin they relea » Continue Reading
the metaphor is too succinct. too convenient. too lazy. when i look in the mirror, i don't see me. that person, that... thing , that looks back at me? might as well be a stranger. because it isn't me. i don't recognize the shape of the jaw. the color of the eyes. the slouch of the shoulders. the rising and falling chest, bare. the hands, fidgeting, now still, now reaching out toward me, and i trac... » Continue Reading
tw ableism, slurs RECLAMATION. noun. the process of claiming something back or of reasserting a right. USE. verb. take, hold, or deploy (something) as a means of accomplishing a purpose or achieving a result; employ. where do those definitions cross? let's put them inside a venn diagram. we're going back to 3rd grade for this, since i think some of yo » Continue Reading
i keep having dreams about my middle school crush. i haven't seen him since graduating 8th grade— we went to different high schools and we weren't friends so we didn't stay in touch. friendly, but not friends. i really, really liked him. he was cute, a little shy, funny, popular. almost all the girls (but especially the popular girls) had a crush on him or one of his 2 best friends. they were refe... » Continue Reading
tw ... gross i fucking guess? i took a shower a couple weeks ago. i think. before that i'd gone... around 2 months without. i could have gone longer but i was visiting family and didn't necessarily want to subject them to my odor, i guess. i don't hate being clean. i don't really... love it. sure, after a shower, i feel pretty good. not so oily, not so itchy, not so pungent. f » Continue Reading
that's the truth! yes! standing right there in front of you. looking back at you. making eye contact with you. making a home in the front of your mind. the truth! you are an animal too! human intelligence: an evolutionary fluke. a lucky roll of the dice. the human body: animal. pure animal. a long, long time ago our ancestors sank their teeth into raw meat. they took their big, » Continue Reading
tw dead animals, fucking obviously. CENSORED and SPOILER'D roadkill art. this time i'll just cut right to the chase. here are two more art pieces featuring roadkill. doy. I. BACTERIUM HEAVEN. a young buc » Continue Reading
i rarely have dreams anymore. my mind still makes pictures and stories, but they aren't dreams. they're like... memories, or what-ifs. waking thoughts while asleep. most of them happen outside the garage. just standing there, looking out at the woods. then my dad will say something, and i'll respond, or i'll watch a bird soar overhead, or i'll watch my hens forage around the property. it's so real... » Continue Reading
tw csa / incestuous abuse i have always been a loner. too weird, too different, too other for friends. for most of my childhood, my closest friends were family members my age that i saw once in a while. my first best friend was foisted upon me by my mom. she'd been friends with the girl's mom for years. the girl was just a year older than me. we were in the same grade. we looked so similar » Continue Reading