"live a villain, die a icon"
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https://blog.spacehey.com/des_the_mess
— 3 Kudos
Category: Life
i've always wanted to help people, in some capacity. sometimes that manifested through music or art, and other times it got me jobs working in home healthcare. even at my most selfish point of drug addiction, i tried to care about and for other people. but there's a huge problem. turns out i'm codependent. i thought i was altruistic and humble. i thought, if i'm caring for other people, i'm doing ... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
i think i've been lying to myself. i keep trying to build routines, and life keeps getting in the way. the more i try to build a consistent routine, and stick to it, the less flexible i become. i'm beginning to think that it's an aspect of some control issues. the autism in me wants to have some rigid structure that's unyielding, in a perfect way. that i'll get up at X time and eat breakfast at Y ... » Continue Reading
— 1 Kudos
Category: Life
i have a decision to make every day. that's not to take away from biopsychosocial circumstances, of course. we're all here doing our best. but what's been true for me is that every day, i wake up and make some sort of decision about what i'm going to do, or *not* going to do. and often, lately, that's been kind of messy. i show up for (most of) my commitments. i keep appointments. i made it throug... » Continue Reading
— 6 Kudos
Category: Life
i'm a Trans woman, so i've naturally got opinions on the state of the world and the way society treats me and my fellow LGBTQIA+ mafia. usually my opinion aligns with other leftists (specifically of anarchist and communist persuasion), and other times...it really doesn't. one such example comes to mind about the debate of "pro-life" versus "pro-choice." as someone who values the autonomy of adults... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
i really struggle with the idea of dependence, especially when it comes to caffeine and my psych meds. i recognize that without my psych meds, things get dark very quickly, but will i always have to rely on them? probably will i always feel tired and rely on a coffee or an energy drink to get me through the day? probably does this mean i'm addicted to these things? probably not but does it mean i ... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
"it's not a bad life, it's not even a bad day. it's just a bad moment." i'm trying to remember that as much as possible. pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. i have a choice every day to live in my depression or try to do something about it. but sometimes that choice feels out of my hands. but what am i DOING about it? i was reminded today that i do have a choice. i could be calling peopl... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
depression sucks i mean, of course it does. i don't think anyone who suffers with depression is happy or grateful about it. i try to be sympathetic about it, to give myself a break. but sometimes it's like, "is this a depression nap or do i honestly need the rest?" and i can't tell the difference. to be frank, i don't always feel sad. i just feel demotivated. when i think of so many good things in... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
there's a concept in AA about "the insanity of the first drink," and how it inevitably leads to more and more drinking. if i never take the first drink, i never kick off the "phenomenon of craving" and therefore won't want more and more of whatever i've just taken in. this is an easy thing to recognize when it comes to drinking or drugs, but what about compulsions? what about with people? how do i... » Continue Reading
— 1 Kudos
Category: Life
i mean, sure, we all have an idea of what love is. i had a therapist tell me, in my early 20's, that there are as many ideas and perceptions of love as there are people on the planet, and just as many ideas and perceptions of God. some people say, God is love, or love is God. i think love is a social construct it's easy to forget that the human drive for procreation is very instinctual and lends i... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
i was told very early on in recovery: "take what you need and discard the rest." so i did that. for the past several years i've taken everything i can from recovery. i've joined and built fellowship groups. i've attended meetings and i share regularly. i give a lead speech when i'm asked. i try to sponsor, and i am sponsored but i've discarded something that's integral to 12-Step recovery: the "Go... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
when i got sober the first time, i was in a men's center. i'm a trans woman. i came out as a trans woman that year. i was the only trans woman, and one of a small handful of queer people, amongst 80 men. on days like today, i'm grateful to be sober and to live alone. i have my own bed. i have my own place. i work hard to keep things that way i came across someone who was ungrateful and hyper-privi... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
it's been 21 days since I talked to my qualifier. most days it feels like shit. today i got to sleep a lot after the last two weeks being full of overnight shifts (which i'm grateful for but still tired). trying to reframe things. that it's not that, i ought not fall in love, or that i must fall out of love, but that i have to accept that my feelings for an unavailable person (whatever that unavai... » Continue Reading
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