depresso espresso (double shot)

"it's not a bad life, it's not even a bad day. it's just a bad moment."

i'm trying to remember that as much as possible. pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. i have a choice every day to live in my depression or try to do something about it. but sometimes that choice feels out of my hands.

but what am i DOING about it?

i was reminded today that i do have a choice. i could be calling people. i could go to more meetings. i ought to take my psych meds more regularly (after not taking them for a few days).

blah.

i just want to be past this feeling. and i know i can, and i know i will. eventually. but when?

blah.

future-tripping isn't going to help me. and dwelling on the past makes the depression feel stronger. i am exactly where i need to be, even if it doesn't feel so great. but things aren't supposed to be perfect. they're just supposed to be whatever they are. and for that to be true, i'll need to find some acceptance.

blah.

[Part 1]