clandestine

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"check in later pretty boys and secret girls"

i went to sleep a poet and i woke up a fraud

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Mood: think im a creep — what are you thinking?


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clandestine's Blog Entries

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1 Comment— 2 Kudos

dear april blues, im the only fool

Category: Writing and Poetry

what would you do if you could go back in time? i think about it only because im guilty. i try not to process anything else, anything truer. every quiet reminder of i love you (or dont). i cannot meet your gaze, i cannot stare at the blood on my shoes, so what am i supposed to do? friends who are stars, friends who are black holes—they all burn up (or burn out). maybe next time will be different. ... » Continue Reading

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cold hands (city boys)

Category: Writing and Poetry

im in a place so far from home so ill write you a letter ill pretend ive never seen before when i wake up in a bed thats mine and still feels like someone elses. gospel of a hotel bible, empty like a promise. i cant tell what i want but its not this and its never this. make it easy, take it easy, take a trip. pulses on our fingertips and hearts in our throats, words stuck between tongues and teeth... » Continue Reading

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— 2 Kudos

(mess)iah

Category: Writing and Poetry

grip my throat and watch my face turn untrue blue. bitter reminders and unshakable guilt. anesthetic love, you and me. maybe not love, something closer to ruining you and kissing self destruction. maybe not anything at all. no x or o tonight. i cant give you that. » Continue Reading

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1 Comment— 2 Kudos

fall asleep and (dont) dream of this

Category: Writing and Poetry

you dont love me, you love the part of me thats like you. what you dont know is that im really just a liar, that it all slips through my teeth before it goes to my head and the words are sharp enough to make my lips bleed. red and true blue. i dont mean to not mean it, you know that. im no better than that. hurricane boy and broken songbird. i wish it would stop hurting like i have it when i dont.... » Continue Reading

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summertime, cherry sweet

Category: Writing and Poetry

90 degrees, broken acs. i think it all started with a feeling in my gut that i told myself was motion sickness but i know better than that and you do too. i can taste the bitterness on your tongue, in the way that too hot feels cold, and i wish i never tasted it at all even though its the only thing in the world i want and i drink it down like ill die without it. in lulls of conversation i wonder ... » Continue Reading

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loose lips sink ships

Category: Writing and Poetry

i wanna feel the dirt and grime under your skin, want you to kiss me like you hate me, like i know you do. i want it tongues and teeth and papercuts. i never wanted it gentle but your knuckles are bruised like a watercolor work of art and the way they punch my teeth out is the prettiest thing ive seen. you make me bleed in the best ways. like peering through keyholes, like a voyeur looking through... » Continue Reading

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hate ur guts (kiss me kiss me kiss me)

Category: Writing and Poetry

youre a bad habit that i cant seem to quit. every whisper sounds like sweet talk and every response i stutter out is a prayer to whoevers listening that i wont lose this. i only want you to think of me like i do of you: in the dark, all alone, unable to shut off your brain. i want the shadows to say my name, again and again, for you to want them to. give me your all so when youre gone ill have som... » Continue Reading

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untitled (amor divinus)

Category: Writing and Poetry

we’re both just thieves. you: my mind, body, and soul. me: » Continue Reading

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pomegranate

Category: Writing and Poetry

i dont see your ghost in the mirror. he doesnt knock down picture frames, he doesnt leave broken dishes. he lives in my ribcage, in the way my stomach sinks. hes a reminder of everything wrong with me. my broken, unlovable body. my unrepairable soul. hes a parasite, a disease, something unforgettable. he eats me from the inside out, grey matter on his fingers pulling my intestines. he leaves blood... » Continue Reading

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mercury has no moons

Category: Writing and Poetry

i dont know how to fall asleep or where to put my hands. in a world where im a surgeon, youre astrophysics. in you i see everything i know nothing about. a wonder, a mystery. youre so beautiful. we draw lines in the sand and when the tide washes over i find myself across it. in the mornings when you havent woken up i feel your heartbeat against my skin and count the seconds between your breaths be... » Continue Reading

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— 2 Kudos

romeo and juliet was never romantic

Category: Writing and Poetry

if god is real he lives in your eyes. i worship you at the altar that is your body and i offer you my beating, bleeding heart as a promise to follow the scripture written in the wrinkles of your hand. you picture me like this in your mind because you want me to be the way you think i am. and the truth is i am anything but that. and it does hurt. it hurts more than anything in the world, because i ... » Continue Reading

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always thursday in october

Category: Writing and Poetry

teenage going on extinct. im just waiting for a text that will never come. a love thats already passed me by. something that makes me feel like its worth it that im alive. singing boys dont cry like thatll fix the pit in my stomach and my hollowed out ribs, hoping for just a second that all the feelings will go away. the record keeps skipping and the world keeps spinning and if i keep on slipping ... » Continue Reading

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