songs for no one

i’m always toeing the line between gentle and biting when it comes to you and i can’t bring myself to cross it. in hums of silence i wish you’d run your fingers through the hair at the base of my neck and tug, and wonder what you’d say if i asked. i guess it’s the way you don’t know what to do with your hands and whisper sweet nothings about how you hate me, can’t stand me, wish i was dead. i never imagine it soft when you kiss me; it’s all teeth and blood and pressing against you like i’m trying to get inside you(r skin). i don’t crave tenderness like i should, not love or caring or anything close to it. you’re warm and solid and denim and it’s close enough for me. i hate loving you or not being able to or that it crossed my mind at all. “wise up or die trying.” just as long as you make it hurt.