i think i should stop writing songs about you

i pick up the phone just to breathe on the other end of the line. i shake with the effort and im pretty sure you dont even know this numbers mine but its not like i care cause its you and it always is. and if theres one thing i believe its that nothing can tear dread from my throat the way your words do. not that theyre violent. i dont care for the violence, the feel of it beneath my fingertips, idle and burning and a craving i get when you go too long without telling me im wrong. i am sick and contagious but i hold on to cough apologies into the crook of your neck cause im just no better than that. its like you know everything about me but you still see through me anyways, but maybe you just get it better than i do. i know im just bitter, inescapably, all of the time, hot air and ashes and not quite between a brick wall and rock bottom. sometimes i think im just dreaming up fiction and sometimes i hope for the worst for us. tone deaf boy outside his mind body and soul.

xo, maybe. my feelings are a work in progress.