"battling my demons (dys/mor/phia)"
19 | USA | She/Her
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SpaceHey Blog URL:
https://blog.spacehey.com/ashnbash
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Category: Life
I feel as though i'm dreaming a lot of the time to the point its noticeable. Everything is just foggy and time moves faster than ever. It feels like two days ago was both an hour ago and years away. I worry about things that dont matter I hope someday I get to wake up. Even if just to know where sleep ends. » Continue Reading
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Category: Music
Spotify gave me a 3 hour playlist of so many artists who have under 400 listeners, all beautiful ambient tracks and it just feels so unique and special that I get to hear the souls of all of these beautiful artists. » Continue Reading
Category: Life
I forgot to mention how bad T is There is so much hair, way toofast I despise it In fucking hours I smell terrible no matter how much effort I put into smelling good, i hate how I look every time I see myself I FUCKING HATE THE LIBIDO ON THIS POSION FUCK » Continue Reading
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Category: Life
every day tthat im off E feels worse than the last.. I hate mirrors so much. April cannot come fast enough., I nneed to fucking get back on HRT » Continue Reading
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Category: Art and Photography
Infinity is only as big as we allow it to be., » Continue Reading
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Category: Music
Music is the only thing that is consistently able to make me cry. I think i've only just begun to understand why. Music is a mirror, a reflection of humanity, someone's, my humanity. Music is a reflection of the past, at least to me. Both the music others have made, which haunt me in such amazing ways, ripping me from the present to when I first listened, and my own, a reflection of who I was and ... » Continue Reading
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Category: Music
Anyone who listens to me and also reads this, thank you so so so so much for the amazing year and listening to me,, It means so much >/// < » Continue Reading
Category: Life
I write these too much. So many unpublished things I've written because I don't value my thoughts enough to even post them on my own blog. I know I complain about my life and everything too much, and that I'm pretty boring. Somehow something as simple as going a walk is full of expression and relevance. god. Most of the thoughts I have that come through the numbing wall of avoidance that is my day... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
Every now and then I rediscover the song "Never See Me Again" and i feel like i've reached a sort of checkpoint in my life. I love all of the beautiful people that i've been lucky enough to know and talk to for the last long while. I want to blog more but between this public one and my other one (privately public) and my inability to feel like it's worthwhile or that what I say/think has any meani... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
I've always avoided thinking about the future because a part of me *knows* that I'll die before that ever happens. It feels unreal to think about the long term effects of medically transitioning because I have to think about something that I don't even know will exist. I look in the mirror and cant fathom that HRT will actually feminize me in any noticeable way and ill just castrate myself without... » Continue Reading
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