Sometimes therapist are so weird it feels like they're too much in my part? Like why are you indulging me but also other times they go completely against but like. Not in a helpful way and just states the fucking obvious Yeah that's the thing sometimes they state the obvious but I'm self aware so I already fucking know what's wrong. So I don't really need them to tell me. So I don't rlly know what... » Continue Reading
Ahem PEOPLE 16- GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FRIEND REQUESTS I'm so done with these kids I fucking swear First they have the worst fucking pages to scroll ever like Jesus Christ the background is a mess there's things flashing half the screen is occupied by a pixelated my little pony character there's some other sprites literally floating back and forth preventing me from reading and they always put t... » Continue Reading
Today I had lesson with my classmates. Bus super slow, they're on it and there was the crowd and the caffeine from the energy drink was wearing off and when I got to my stop I had to sit down and do some heavy breathings Two years Another two years like this in class And it's all my fault, I did all, it was my fault, I should have communicated better and I should have not closed myself up just c... » Continue Reading
Haven't rlly made day per day diary entries simply cus there's nothing new about... That situation and I'm just doing the same shit most everyday: Wake up, take the train, waits and busses, get to uni, continue the final project, lunch break, continue the final project, more waits and more busses, train, walk home. The students that filled public transportation got replaced by something that I do... » Continue Reading
I've been feeling so depressed these past few weeks. Craving meds. Craving therapy. Craving literally anything. And I feel like I need to cry a river but I can't spit out more than a couple of tears. I'd prefer being careless. Not feeling. But I'm just feeling down, that feeling that aligns with what a doctor once described depression "sickness of living". I wanna get out of my head but also need ... » Continue Reading
Brain imploding like a badly built submarine. Joke had to be made. It's that time of the month again when talking to myself is not enough anymore to substitute therapy and meds. Yearning for meds like I don't fucking end up stopping taking it two months in cus I don't see shit changing. I'm tired of presenting myself to new doctors. I'm tired of all the money that go in their pockets. But also I f... » Continue Reading
Everytime at my home- no, my house, I make a mistake. And everytime they say it's cus I don't care about things. I don't think about shit. I don't give a fuck. And I wish it was that way. Cus I have so much shit crossing my head and my ears all the time, bringing that weird non physical pain in the middle of my chest, and it hurts hurts hurts hurts hurts And I wish I could put a knife in the middl... » Continue Reading
Pride in the city I study in is tomorrow. I don't think I'm gonna go. Going to events alone is not 100% fun. For the victorian event I had to dodge my classmates all day. They're probably going to pride and I. These days I just don't feel like doing shit. I already go majority of days at school to work on the final project + a few remaining classes I still have. The parade starts too late and the ... » Continue Reading
Like I don't wanna talk ab The Situation ™ I hate it and I already have to deal with the aftermaths on a daily basis and I whined enough about it and how much it hurts but like At the end of the day I don't. Even know how to feel about it. Like ya I feel like shit but I cannot actually decide what percentages of fault to give to the parts, I don't know how much I fucked up and how much they fucked... » Continue Reading
It's physical, it's real, this sensation of my heart sinking, this pain in the middle of my chest, it's heavy and it hurts, it hurts, at every one of their laughs and their words, it hurts, it hurts so much, and I don't know how to get it out of my ribcage, I don't know how to stop it, it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts » Continue Reading
I wish I could repent in one go the sins, the actions I did that burnt shit, that hurt others, that withered everything around, cus this just feels like a slow bleeding out purgatory punishment and it hurts to feel this way and it hurts to be this way and I wish I could change myself in better but I never learn from my mistakes, just make the holes bigger in the fabric » Continue Reading
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