Split minded

Like I don't wanna talk ab The Situation ™ I hate it and I already have to deal with the aftermaths on a daily basis and I whined enough about it and how much it hurts but like

At the end of the day I don't. Even know how to feel about it. Like ya I feel like shit but I cannot actually decide what percentages of fault to give to the parts, I don't know how much I fucked up and how much they fucked, I don't know who was worse. I cannot decide whether to hate or simply resent and yearn for the months when everything was okay. I just keep changing idea and changing view and it's already hard to be like this now and I can't even set my mind to one precise view, I genuinely and literally don't fucking know what to think lol