Idk 27/6/23

I've been feeling so depressed these past few weeks. Craving meds. Craving therapy. Craving literally anything. And I feel like I need to cry a river but I can't spit out more than a couple of tears. I'd prefer being careless. Not feeling. But I'm just feeling down, that feeling that aligns with what a doctor once described depression "sickness of living". I wanna get out of my head but also need silence and I'm tired of so much talking and words and conversations all around me but I am alone and I feel alone and I know it's my fault but I just feel so immensely like shit.