28/6/23 climbing and sweating

Haven't rlly made day per day diary entries simply cus there's nothing new about... That situation and I'm just doing the same shit most everyday:

Wake up, take the train, waits and busses, get to uni, continue the final project, lunch break, continue the final project, more waits and more busses, train, walk home. 

The students that filled public transportation got replaced by something that I don't know if it's worse... Tourists. On one hand Teenagers scare the shit outta me on the other I fucking HATE tourists so so so much.

Today tho, I took a break from the project cus I'm literally going insane. From isolation AND the project. 

Our school had a teeny tiny exhibition of specific works: we already had to do them for a class but then a public library was like hey we can put some of em around. And like for some reason my classmates were behind me in the process like girl if for that day the teacher says to bring a specific step of the process, why the fuck you didn't? So I finished it like one or two weeks before the others, some where so behind that they couldn't finish it in time for the exhibition. 

And so, today I went to the exhibit. The opening wasn't today, Saturday actually. But Saturday I felt even more like shit than today, after a lesson with my classmates and everything. And this library is fucking far from the train station and there's not many trains at that hour and probably all of my classmates would have gone. Which happened, a bunch of 'em went. 

Now, before that I wanted to go to an art supplies store, not the one that takes 20+ mins of bus but one way more near. Tomorrow we have lettering and we're making textures, patterns, so I wanted to find ink, brush pens and an paper that holds the ink better. We do this lettering class with a few girls from 2nd year and one of em mentioned mixed media paper (cus I talk to em cus they're not my classmates and ya that made lil purple angry that one time one month ago, don't remember which diary entry that was). I ended up taking a bunch of brush pens, a red watercolor that I needed just in general cus in tired of mixing the Windsor and newton two reds to make a blood color, and the mixed media paper. Hope I got the right watercolor, there was a color Swatch book and y'all the way three reds all looked the fucking same to me 😭😭😭 like bitch what the fuck is venetian red and what's the difference with the indian red. Who gave colors a passport now. Fuck you. Use fucking. "Watermelon" "blood" "wine" and shit like that. That is stuff I can see everyday and remember the color of. 

Watercolors cost way too fucking much for being the lil bitches that they are. Because watercolors are lil bitches. And I hate them. 

Anyway after that I took a bunch of busses and here we are at the library. I mean, ten mins away from it, according to google. Mind you, I was walking at 12 pm under the Mediterranean sun I have no fucking idea how I didn't pass out. 32 fucking Celsius I have no fucking idea how I'm gonna survive summer. I didn't even wear black today and like that is the majority of my wardrobe and I was still fucking dying. Unbelievable. 

Anyway you know a beautiful thing about this stupid fucking metropolitan bullshit of a city? Everything is uphill. Every fucking street is a slope. Everything is at some fucking angle and it's never 180°. I start climbing the streets to the entrance, overheating phone in hand to tell me where was I supposed to go. Get fucking there. Dying. Okay. Time to see this stuff

LOOK AT MY PRECIOUS

MY BABY

don't mind the exhibition, librarians don't fucking know how to do this type of things. Yeah those are fucking metal wires lmao it looks so weird.

Anyway did I mention it was a library? Well the artworks were not in like a hallway. No they're directly above people's tables. And I didn't think of putting my loud ass plastic bag of art supplies in my shoulder bag. So I was just walking the slowest I could, luckily had not a lot of necklaces today, just fucking going near the various drawings, people fucking studying like "what the fuck is this mfer doing" in dead fucking silence. Horrible. Anyway there was also an upstairs I don't. Know if there was art there too I didn't have the strength to do stairs or check the rest of the library. 

Now to get to this building there are two entrances, one from which I cam and the other one that goes through a park. I was like, why not let's go to the park and oh my going it was just going down down idk if we're going down swinging but this fucking angle is something a fucking mountain goat would struggle with. This library rlly said fuck disabled people without a car 😭

Anyway I get through the park, see one of cocks they have there. The bird. Don't ask me why there's fucking chickens I have no idea. Finally on flat fucking land I start my journey to the nearest bus stop, wait and hydrate a little with water that is now piss temperature and then finally, the bus to the train station 

Now, I was super fucking early for the train so I went to my lil fave market which is like super fucking tiny but half the products warn if they're halal and they have bleaching skin cream so you know you're in the right place. I go there just to buy monsters by the way. I just don't fucking know where else to get these bitches. Even today they didn't have the white ones so to my suffering I take the classics and then get to the train station

Again, I was fucking early, almost consider going out to get a sandwich but resisted, just sat down, waiting for some time to pass in the main space: near the train stops there's not always a lot of sun and never a free place to sit, so. Take out the things I bought and tested them to pass time and then I see. One of my fucking classmates. Don't think I gave a nickname here for her so just know she's another one I haven't rlly mentioned before. I spit out a blasphemy because my fucking god why is she here what the fuck the universe wants from me? 

How fucking small is this city? She was with someone that had to go no fucking idea where. I look just one sec and then just make myself busy testing those art supplies, never fucking looking up until they walked past me and then just continue to wait. When it's time, I go to my train, eyes looking at my phone and saw her in the distance with the other person and that's it  And now finally the train home. I'm hungry lol

A ghost writing from its grave, signing off.