Pride is tomorrow. I cannot let myself go.

Pride in the city I study in is tomorrow. I don't think I'm gonna go. Going to events alone is not 100% fun. For the victorian event I had to dodge my classmates all day. They're probably going to pride and I. These days I just don't feel like doing shit. I already go majority of days at school to work on the final project + a few remaining classes I still have. The parade starts too late and the park that has stuff all day... From the train station is 40 mins of bus. I have class until lunch. I'm too shy to talk to people. And then what? Make friends? I ruin friendships, I hurt people, I know this, so why risking? Because I know my gay ass as soon as it saws someone in black clothes is fucking over, I'm a fucking slut man what can I say. I'd get crushes all around I just stop functioning. 

I don't wanna meet new people. I know I'll hurt them if something actually starts. And I'm ace so fucking nobody wants me anyway. Also I'm ugly, so. I just don't feel like going to an event that's it's all about community when I'm so,,, alone. I should just stay after class to continue this fucking important assignment like usual. 

I hate isolation but it's better this way.