chemicalshifter

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18. art student. polysexual but u could say bi.

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chemicalshifter's Blog Entries

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— 1 Kudos

04/09/23

Category: Life

im not really insane, crazy, or anything in my opinion. but i am slowly rotting away. im sure of that. im deteriorating, not only with my body but as a person.  "i am becoming less coherent". its hard to function. i think i was fine a few days ago. now im eating only once or twice again. its boring.  i cant sit comfortably. i cant eat comfortably. i cant lie down comfortably. i dont have a bed. i ... » Continue Reading

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04/05/23

Category: Life

she is better off without me. she doesn't deserve this mistake. she has to take action because i have been in a standstill for so long. all im just really doing the whole time is think about nothing and do nothing. of course that would make me irrelevant. of course that would make me disappointing. of course everyone would get impatient that im so worthless and nothing has changed for years. I DON... » Continue Reading

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03/29/23

Category: Life

i had a panic attack because of what she said to me. it was just a simple thing, a reminder (although she definitely said its getting annoying) on what i have to do. but yeah i freezed up mid call, didnt know what to say to that because i thought things were going smoothly. then i thought that i haven't tried enough so i got this reaction. it was supposed to be a short good night call, but that ha... » Continue Reading

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regrets for breakfast

Category: Life

my limbs are limp and heavy and glued to the ground i dont think I'll ever amount to anything everything i say is a lie to myself... to others either good or bad, it all feels like a lie a mask glued onto my horrid face  yet it does not cover the eyes that explore nor the ears that hope to unhear these words nor the nonstop pounding of this weakened heart numbly aching each second, chokes my lungs... » Continue Reading

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.

Category: Life

im so fucking stupid rn.. but i promise I'll be better.. you deserve so much better... » Continue Reading

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.

Category: Life

im so fucking stupid rn.. but i promise I'll be better.. you deserve so much better... » Continue Reading

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stupid

Category: Writing and Poetry

i dont really deserve anything.. » Continue Reading

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ah

Category: Writing and Poetry

cold hands...cold hands...cold hands... » Continue Reading

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its hard to love a mentally ill person

Category: Life

it is. it is. it is. it is. what will you get from me? a pathetic boy who can't keep up with all the promises i give, who doesn't know what words to fucking speak and keeps it all in until i cant anymore? what will you get from me? what will you get from me? i shouldn't have asked you. i shouldn't have asked you. i thought you would understand. i thought i would understand. i thought i could handl... » Continue Reading

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maybe i am doomed

Category: Life

i can't breathe. my mind and my body are drowning in an ocean of misery no one can ever save me from. i don't know why i can't rise above this murky pool of water... or why i don't choose to swim above it either. maybe i am meant to drown in this doom, my conscience always fucking tells me. maybe i was never meant to hold on the that brim of light shining through the surface. maybe i was never mea... » Continue Reading

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