04/05/23

she is better off without me. she doesn't deserve this mistake. she has to take action because i have been in a standstill for so long. all im just really doing the whole time is think about nothing and do nothing. of course that would make me irrelevant. of course that would make me disappointing. of course everyone would get impatient that im so worthless and nothing has changed for years. I DONT FUCKING WANT TO BE LIKE THIS BUT IT HAPPENS EVERYDAY AND IM JUST IN A CONSTANT CYCLE OF "SHOULD I REALLY DO IT WHEN IM A FAILURE ALREADY" AND "WHY COULDN'T I DO IT WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE". 

everyone is better of without me. i cant do anything when people are around me. i would have done so many things i needed to do if people didn't see me. im really just a loser rendered useless because of this. i wasted so much time because i always get so nervous and embarrassed (and people really do judge..) when i want to make a difference. but since its not happening for a while im just a worthless person. really, no one would fucking love you when you're just existing. the world doesn't revolve around you and you're just making yourself unlikeable. SHOULDVE REALIZED IT SOONER

and because you just keep worrying about shit you're not gauged with reality. ohmygodyoureallyareaodisappointinganditshowsoneveryonearoundyou. YOU'RE A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT. YOU CANT DO ANYTHING AND YOU HAVE NO FUTURE. YOU'RE A PROBLEM EVERYONE WOULD BE GLAD TO LEAVE ALONE. just fucking do something. do something. do something. your disgusting thoughts are half fake and just you. the world doesn't revolve around you and you can talk to people. its not that hard its not that fucking hard dont think its embarrassing or dont be ashamed again because you need to talk and FACE IT there are some things you need to work with people. stop existing in your own head. leave your stupid head.  but you still have disappointed people. 

god i am so embarrassing..she doesn't deserve me...im a mistake... im stupid for asking her out then she just gets all this annoyance and waiting...i get it..so just do something. fucking hell you're given a chance so do it and stop living in your head. this is your fault so do something about it. you fucking pussy