04/09/23

im not really insane, crazy, or anything in my opinion. but i am slowly rotting away. im sure of that. im deteriorating, not only with my body but as a person. 

"i am becoming less coherent". its hard to function. i think i was fine a few days ago. now im eating only once or twice again. its boring. 

i cant sit comfortably. i cant eat comfortably. i cant lie down comfortably. i dont have a bed. i cant talk with my favorite person comfortably. i cant stand up comfortably. i cant walk comfortably. i can't talk comfortably. i cant shower comfortably. i cant breathe comfortably. sometimes i forget to breathe that i have to remind myself. i cant have a conversation comfortably. i cant handle people calling out my name anymore. i sometimes wish i can be more reliable.. but when they call me out i get irritated and ignore them. i dont know why im so uncomfortable. i wish i can say the things i need to say without having to use my voice as it is. everything is so uncomfortable. i havent bathed for maybe 3 days and my skin is so itchy. but its already late so maybe ill shower tomorrow. i hope i get to shower tomorrow. i hope the food is nice so i can get an appetite. i wish i didn't have to go to the toilet. its uncomfortable. my head is always itchy. i probably stink. i hope I'll shower tomorrow.my nails are dirty when i scratch my skin. is it normal for them to look purply? i have a lot of scars on my arms from scratching them too much. i really need to take care of myself. man my arms look so thin. i look like a 12 year old from how small and frail i am. i am so pathetic right now.