len

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love me love me love me

Category: Blogging

love me love me love me everywhere i turn i see little voices crying out love me love me love me & how i wish i had enough love to give- enough patience, enough kindness, enough of a metaphysical being... i sit in the bath and stare at the candle that has yet to blow out- last one left. i am drawn from the bath to a room and yet in the room i sit the same way: why did i leave the comfort of the ba... » Continue Reading

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we all leave in the morning

Category: Blogging

we all leave in the morning. the night runs long and the air stays humid, and she's brought a bottle of wine, (bought, not stolen). i'll go to where i came from, and she'll keep on going. it's just like old times, with old friends in different places, and we all go silent and wonder why we always leave in the morning. the sky glows bright with stars we've never thought to notice as we all cling to... » Continue Reading

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can't fault a dog for barking

Category: Blogging

the thing i've always liked about east facing windows is how cool the room gets in the afternoon. right now at 6:07, the brilliant bright orange of the room has faded to a dusky blue. i sit in that green velvet chair with my knees up to my chest and stare out the window and think. i pick at the embroidery thread i wound between the decorative weaving and wonder if you're kissing somebody else righ... » Continue Reading

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ruminations: the last few weeks of spring

Category: Blogging

1- friday morning the three of us sit on the balcony, all in a row like crows on a telephone line. eternally devoted to a messy slew of girls, victims of whatever fallout may come from them. and, as each of us secretly know, bound to have our hearts smashed. jo passes me the cigarette, and says, “ever think about the fact that the three of us leave our hall to sleep across the stairs in our girlfr... » Continue Reading

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mabel, baby

Category: Blogging

i named myself after old retired greyhound i haven't seen in years. curled up beneath my feet as you slept on the couch and i sat next to you reading, afternoon sunbeams casting a warm orange glow across the pictures of you on the wall. your mother, humming to herself softly, gently whistling to call ol' mabel over.  sweet old mabel, baby. ran the track just on the other side of town until wiry gr... » Continue Reading

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24-hour risk-free cancellation

Category: Blogging

i booked my flight back to massachusetts this morning and yet this little voice has been in the back of my head for the past few days whispering. is this a mistake? is bringing you along on this little escapade just dragging out something that's already doomed, no matter how far away the end seems? should i have gone on this alone? and, cruelly, what if i broke it off with you and ran off to a mon... » Continue Reading

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she goes by cece now (but she was cheryl when i knew her)

Category: Blogging

i hadn’t thought about cece in years, until today when raspberry beret came on the hardware store speakers and kicked something in my memory. and it stings to think there’s no one i know now who wouldn’t say “who?” if i brought her up. she loved me, and i suppose i loved her, though not in any way that meant anything. and yes, we found each other once, and she looked good in my clothes when i left... » Continue Reading

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i thought of you

Category: Blogging

i thought of you this morning when i woke up on the floor of lily's room, wrapping in her great-grandmother's blanket. there was a moment when my eyes had just opened & i was staring into the hardwood floor of her closet where i was back in your childhood bedroom, waiting for you to roll over and tell me it was time to get breakfast. (your parents would always take us out to that nice little cafe,... » Continue Reading

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art & sex & film & december & rocknroll

Category: Blogging

party girls i’m driving to the party when kate calls me. she moved to montauk when we were 15 & tonight she’s going to a party in the hamptons. i pick up & i can hear that she’s out of it &  “fuck i don’t know” she cackles, “somewhere in sag.” & i tell her to put santi on the phone & she does. santi assures me that yes, she's safe, she's with him & she's been with him all night & he's not leaving ... » Continue Reading

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if i didn't tell her, i could leave today

Category: Blogging

i slept in the woods last night, and when i woke this morning freezing & wet & listening to the birds singing, i knew i have to fucking get out.  the thing that stops me every time is the little voice in the back of my head that says: and then what?  but god, here & now the little voice is screaming why does it matter? why can't i just fucking head for the hills? because every little voice that te... » Continue Reading

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little red toyota camry

Category: Blogging

fuck! i can’t get the idea out of my head of just fucking off from school. i had almost talked myself out of just dropping out or taking a gap year & then it hit me: gap semester.  just for scuzz, i was looking at used car listings near me & i found a 3,000 burgundy-red toyota camry. i can’t shake the knowledge that i really fucking should just take a semester off & buy that car & just do fuck all... » Continue Reading

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the mistake

Category: Blogging

it was last night at family dinner when i realised that i have made a horrible mistake. i realised the only reason i’ve gone off to college is because everything in my life is telling me it’s what i’m supposed to do. even worse, that’s only my life back home. off at school, everyone wants you to just follow the path YOU feel is best.  and with each passing day, i think about the sheer amount of mo... » Continue Reading

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