i walk, and i walk, then i walk some more. the monologues in my head get shorter and shorter. sometimes they fade away completely. my first month of life here was so fast. it slowly creeps quieter... i must not let it. i can't let winter take it. i blink and my hair grows longer. the days get shorter. i wake up in my apartment and i'm cold. i've never been cold before. i didn't even know it was po... » Continue Reading
i am a grain of sand. i am a grenade that explodes. i am a feather loose from a wing. i am the sky. i am a microbe. i am a concrete building. i am a vessel. i am an answer. i am scared. i am wind. i am dirt under a fingernail. i am on a billboard. i am in a basement. i am on a rooftop. i am walking. i am watching. i am sleeping. i am sweating. i am a ghost. i am an overseer. i am passing. i am lea... » Continue Reading
i want to be in a band again; there it is again, the thought. i tell it to the only real friend i’ve made since moving here. it comes out choked up, in different parts. i want.. i want.. i wanted to tell him at the seaport. we walked all around town, quite literally. it was perfect at the seaport. you could see the bridges and the ocean and a million lights that were all individual people doing th... » Continue Reading
i stare at my reflection in a subway window in between polished people going to work, white blouses and black suit pants. girls dress the same all around me. the lady beside me drinks coffee and looks at her horoscope. somebody in front of me reads a book about AI. a man blocks my reflection and stares into my soul. i get off at 23rd. i’m in the library reading. two guys sit down in front of me, ... » Continue Reading
tomorrow i’ll wake up and be you for the first time same shoes, same hair, same bag, same face same life, over and over and over again and i’ll just pretend not to notice i’ll pretend not to notice just for some kind of miracle to happen except the less i notice the more i bl » Continue Reading
i am sick. i am sick with something and it has not gone away and i can’t spend another $20 on medicine if it won’t magically cure me because i’m so tired of it. also i live in new york city now. congrats to me from 5 years ago, 6 months ago and 1 week ago. you made it. except now you’re sick and you won’t stop coughing unless you take some super drug you found at cvs that makes everything spin and... » Continue Reading
something beyond my control splits into us its the sweetest thing in the world and yet... and then there are the obsessives praying for something said in passing for you its a promise, for me its something i made up and i will always be wishing » Continue Reading
does nobody post on their blogs anymore????????? i've just noticed. nobody does it. me included. i've learned that after fear is bittersweetness. at least, that's the only way i can describe what i feel. after the sheer terror subsides.. i'm left with this. the unbridled ecstatic feeling of finally doing what i've meant to do for a long time mixed with the unfathomable sadness of leaving every per... » Continue Reading
is it summer yet? when does it feel like it? i know we're not there yet, but i got a bit more sun than i asked for talking slowly down the line of time will only tell if you don't tell me first and i promise, there's nothing wrong with regret, but i'm still sad to see you go what's wrong with removal? nothing, nothing at all make it your best interest cry your eyes out just for the fashion we all... » Continue Reading
i think things slowly get better over time. no matter your age or your life or who you are. i think if you love everyone you meet, even a little bit, maybe that’s just how it’s supposed to be. everyone deserves big windows. everyone deserves to be woken up by natural light. everyone deserves to see the ocean. the sense of normalcy, even for a minute; even if you’re just pretending. it’s a welcome ... » Continue Reading
class of 1999 i see you in a whisper (it’s embarrassing, because we’re not friends) and it’s all so scary out there but there are stars light pollution, windows open and i’ll wish that i was the one that made it i’m not ready to leave my friends behind can you hold my hand, class of 1999 (you will be alright) picture frames and perfect preferred take it from my hand, it’s better then cold » Continue Reading