how to leave (how to love)

does nobody post on their blogs anymore????????? i've just noticed. nobody does it. me included.

i've learned that after fear is bittersweetness. at least, that's the only way i can describe what i feel. after the sheer terror subsides.. i'm left with this.

the unbridled ecstatic feeling of finally doing what i've meant to do for a long time mixed with the unfathomable sadness of leaving every person that i love. i wish i could just pick them up and carry them with me.

it rains and i love you dearly

shared sweat for a second

i am a passing gaze

the run never did me any good

and i will miss every corner

every rock and pebble

every sidewalk and every blade of grass

just like i miss my friends

and i don't even know them

and sometimes i got the street smile

i evaded and ducked and turned away

because i am the passing gaze

in my hand lies a live grenade and i put it in front of me

i put it in front of me just to know the feeling of being scared

and i do this every night

and it's different every time

just to know the feeling