"she called me thirty three times"
18, new hampshire
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Category: Life
April It's been a long time since I've wrote here. I'm surpised they're even letting me have my computer right now. I'm almost more surprised that I'm back and writing here, where I can read the entries I, my old self, wrote a few months ago. I'm currently at New Seasons, rehabilitation, for the 3rd time now. When I was waiting to leave a therapy session, back in December, I tried to call Jennife... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
Dec I can't imagine how bad Emma got messed up, and it's all my doing. There's not enough of anything that could make her unsee what she saw me doing. I'm not ever going to be worthy of seeing her again, even if I'd kill to. Emma is my nine year old stepsister. Even though Jennifer reckons that she's fat plump, but many have said that she should be a model. She's played instruments in school con... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
Dec Back in 8th grade winter break, Cassie and I went to Vermont with her parents for a skiing trip. I remember the books I brought, the knife and the vodka. We had the time all to ourselves, and our own suite built on no supervision, but on trust of her parents. We would flirt with the guys who worked there and never leave a calorie uncounted. On New years eve, her parents gave us alcohol free c... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
Dec Mom Dr Marrigan finally found out the story of how Cassie passed. She made me fill my body up with her so called 'nourishment' that I obviously do not need beforehand, but it was worth enough to figure out what she was doing in that motel. Her esophagus ruptured. It's called Boerhaave's syndrome. She got into a fight with her parents on Thanksgiving and was going to purge. Her parents were c... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
December I remember in the summer of 7th grade, was the first time I saw her throw up. It was her parents Labor Day party, and we were old enough to stay up as late as we wanted. I left her to go grab a sweatshirt since it was cold, and when I found her again, she was puking out all the junk she had ate today. She wouldn't let me get her mom, and explained that she was throwing up on purpose so t... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
December Finally the day to put Cassie to sleep. I hope she will never watch me again after this. I picked up Elijah and we drove to the cemetery. Unfortunately it was freezing, but he gave me his jacket and I changed my shoes before walking up the hill. When the preacher started, I found out my mom was here too. I hid behind Elijah as the minister recited quotes from the bible. That didn't work... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
December Waking Wednesday- today was the day of Cassie's wake. In school I got called down with a lot of the girls from the soccer team and the drama club, hearing about all of their ideas on how to incorporate Cassie into their activities. Lots of sad deaths have happened in this town, and now it's Cassie's time. She had on a blue dress, one of her rings on her fingers and makeup that didn't matc... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
November I checked my weight for real this time (had to use some things to appear fatter before) and it's going amazing. I reached my first goal: 99 pounds. Even though the doctors may have a problem with it, they just don't understand that Empty is Strong and that I don't need to "recover". My next goal is to reach 95 pounds, and then 90 pounds. As long as I avoid eating even though I really re... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
November Cassie appeared in my room last night. There were spiderwebs and vines and roses all around the room, and she came up to me and had asked me to join her. Then my stepsister woke me up, but I could swear it wasn't a dream. Even worse, today was Tuesday. Every Tuesday I have to be weighed by Jennifer to make sure I am fat enough for everyone so I won't have to go back to the hospital. I'm s... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
November Cassie is... dead. Jennifer (stepmom😒) told me the news a few hours ago. I wasn't friends with her currently, and now'll I'll never get to be again. Well, she was an on and off friend. One day I'd be with her, helping her figuring out her problems in life and listening to her vent, then she'd dump me because I was apparently a bad friend and so she could move on with her life and forget ... » Continue Reading
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