Emma

Dec 

I can't imagine how bad Emma got messed up, and it's all my doing. There's not enough of anything that could make her unsee what she saw me doing. I'm not ever going to be worthy of seeing her again, even if I'd kill to. Emma is my nine year old stepsister. Even though Jennifer reckons that she's fat plump, but many have said that she should be a model. She's played instruments in school concerts, and powered through sports, even if she didn't enjoy them very much. I would play with her, watch movies together, just normal things that an ill 18 year old would do with her 9 year old stepsister. I used her name to pretend I wasn't Lia in front of Elijah. She was the first thing I cared about when I woke up in the hospital. Now she saw me cut my body, and I'm not able to be with her again, unless I get better. I won't get to do all the fun winter things that I promised her we would do.

I'm stuck with my mom, Dr Marrigan, now. She was hard on me, but it was understandable. I'm glad for her honesty. I tried to tell her that I'm not really sick and that I don't need to be locked up in the hospital again; she thinks I'm not rational enough to understand the situation. Maybe she is right, after all. Dad says I have to heal if i want to see Emma, which can be one reason to do so. She also got me a therapist, which Jennifer took me to today. She completely broke out of her usual stepmom character to tell me that I hurt Emma by starving and cutting. That she has on going nightmares. That I best tell the therapist what's going on in my head and how I'll have to learn to get along with my mom since I probably won't be living at my father's house anymore. It was painful, really painful for her to tell me this, yet she has a point. I wholly ruined her, just a few days ago. 

I did what Jennifer demanded me to do. I told Dr Parker, the therapist, everything. All the stories of Cassie-the-ghost, my coping skills that didn't work, everything that she should know. There is one thing that she said that really stuck with me. I doubt she actually thinks I see ghosts, but she told me that in one aspect, that she believes in ghosts, but also believes that we create them. That they don't just appear and haunt you for nothing. I still have all faith that mine do, but I suppose we both have good points on this.