I like to think that people are like mosaics. Little fragments of life experiences, memories, trauma, likes and dislikes- some pieces are from others, some pieces are copies of others, and some are mirrors. Where you will see yourself in others through your interactions with them. » Continue Reading
Yesterday afternoon I was talking to a dear friend and I wanted to blog about something I said before I forgot. "The thought of man-made order and natural chaos is interesting" "Created order tends to spark chaos" "And nature was long before our creation being the original order of things" "But nature is still v » Continue Reading
It seems like that life has become one apocalyptic scenario following the next. Pandemic, war, unaffordable living, wildfires, smog, it will never end. something new will always consume us. But I'm tired, too tired to be distressed and fearful, too tired of running away from the world. If life decides to be disaster after disaster- then maybe it's not deciding at all- maybe this is not some long-a... » Continue Reading
I'm feeling lonely again today, I've rearranged my room and went shopping to try and make myself feel better. I bought some skincare from Sephora and makeup from Ulta- though honestly I think I'll just shop from Ulta only- The Sephora employees feel so threatening and unfriendly- All I asked for was a good setting spray and they got all snappy and starting going off about how my skincare was wrong... » Continue Reading
My world is so empty tonight. I'm alone, sitting on a little stool I use to paint on, typing on a little side table as tall as my shin, huddled with a cup of tea and some internalized discontent. I have no work- that makes me uncomfortable- whether school or job I need something or I worry I'll be scolded- keep busy keep busy- I'd like to make good money this summer, I want to buy things for mysel... » Continue Reading
Ohh I'm such a fool for mistaking having boundaries of my own as being cruel to other- or perhaps I wasn't a fool at all I was just convinced my way of behaving was wrong- lashing out or standing my ground when something said or done repulsed my gut- writhing desires leaving any trace of respect or composure to satisfy their carnal urges- I'll have no part in that- I am beyond being an object to b... » Continue Reading
I don't like thinking of adult things- but I suppose nobody does. My whole life I had been worried about things way too early. Scared about getting into college or getting a job- I've gotten into a university and even though I don't have a job currently having just returned home, I don't think It'll take me very long with the experience I have- but it's so... whatever... I mean when you been stres... » Continue Reading
"I know I'm like that sometimes, but do I care about you enough to do anything about it?" definitely something that I've though about a couple of times since I started college- It is definitely the time to weed out though your social life and establish your boundaries and tolerance. I don't care of people think of me badly, I care if people think of me as something I'm not- I have bad parts of me... » Continue Reading
Yesterday I thought about Alice in Wonderland, There wasn't any prompting- it simply came to mind. And I remembered how much I liked the story. It made getting lost seem more of something whimsical and exploratory, whether or not one was actually getting lost- I could just be an eccentric dream or getting lost in one's head- but my admiration for the concepts remains the same. Getting lost in my h... » Continue Reading
Today I felt myself falling back into old habits. I was stuck, the blanket today seem to have a gravitational pull- weighing down on me and pulling me back to it- I didn't have the motivation to do anything, nor the energy- but I couldn't sleep. I don't want to eat, talk, move- Lying still in bed... Dissolve- Thats right... I want to dissolve- » Continue Reading
The other day I received a message: "MassNotify, the official COVID-19 exposure notification system for Massachusetts, has been discontinued with the end of the federal COVID-19 public health emergency on May 11, 2023." "High levels of vaccinations, widespread population immunity, and available treatments have significantly reduced the risk of severe COVID-19 disease, hospitalization, and death. W... » Continue Reading
As I watched the sun set with my dear friend I wondered- I worried- That I have become the kind of person a younger me would've despise- that would irk those who knew me my whole life- as my return draws near. Do I like myself? Is this the kind of person I should be? Is it okay for me to be who I am in this moment? Is it okay for me to be here? Others seem to like me- Do I truly like myself? Or is... » Continue Reading
Report User
