I like to think that people are like mosaics. Little fragments of life experiences, memories, trauma, likes and dislikes- some pieces are from others, some pieces are copies of others, and some are mirrors. Where you will see yourself in others through your interactions with them. It feels those you are related to have less of these- it is harder to see how they perceive you. Friends and loved ones you established on your own, have mirror pieces in abundance, they will remind you of who you are and not you insecure and confused- there is a certainty that is less present in parent in child- because you are becoming a stranger to them as you learn to be human and have more control of your actions and choices- there will be less reflection of you in them and vice versa. And while connections you build yourself are wonderful- I cannot help but worry I have become too much of a stranger of my family to feel love from them. I have become something they do not understand and that is so utterly gutting and isolating I don't feel at home sometimes. I want to share my interests and stories to show I trust and care, but when it is not reciprocated or brushed off- I feel like I need to keep it to myself. It feels emotionally taxing to even think about doing it even though it's important to me. I don't like it.