"live a villain, die a icon"
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Category: Life
Anton LaVey put it sardonically: "The Atheist complains about the wind. The Christian prays for it to change. The Satanist adjusts his sails." i was co-facilitating a counseling group recently and used a modified version of this quote to fit the crowd. nary a person to out myself as a Satanist to my clients, i replaced each with, "the pessimist," "the optimist," and "the realist," respectively. to... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
over 5 and a half months ago, i had a revelation: i needed to let go of my qualifier. i'm here today to say that i'm working on it. i had a "bad" dream last week. i was at a large event, and then there was a mandatory meeting at my qualifier's house. throughout the dream, she was avoiding me. it went so far as me seeing her peeking out of her room to check if i was still around, and immediately re... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
i've spent much of my life searching for God. i've read about various religions and spiritual paths. i've practiced witchcraft and paganism. i became a militant atheist and anti-Christian for several years, only to become a post-Christian Satanist in my mid-20's. here i am as a member of 12-Step programs, constantly reminded to put my faith into a Higher Power of some kind, "God as I understand Go... » Continue Reading
— 4 Kudos
Category: Life
"i am cringe but i am free." it's a meme, but it's also a profound saying (to me). i've been into music and art for most of my life. i began to write my first songs around 10 years old and was recording by 15 or 16 on low-quality mp3 player microphones, "mixing" into Audacity and releasing things on MySpace, Newgrounds and SoundCloud. none of it was any good, but i just wanted the feeling of creat... » Continue Reading
— 2 Kudos
Category: Life
i believe the philosophical branch of stoicism has largely been adopted by conservatives trying to come off as emotionless and steadfast, when they're actually becoming cold and losing empathy. as a leftist and a person in recovery who integrates the philosophy of Dokkōdō into my life, i find this phenomenon curious. let's break down Miyamoto Musashi's "The Path of Aloneness" as i see it working f... » Continue Reading
— 3 Kudos
Category: Life
i was told a long time ago, "if you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything." and fall, i did, for my teens into my twenties. i used to be homophobic, transphobic, racist, just outright a bigoted chud. i was a conspiracy theorist and i believed "the Illuminati" controlled the world. i had suspicions that ancient aliens influenced humanity, and i truly believed the government could actively con... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
it's been over 130 days (4 months and change) since i really began to walk the path to address my relational issues. it's been 6 and a half months since i quit nicotine. 20 days ago i lapsed on my bottom line behaviors in SLAA and reset my day counter, the day after i wrote a piece, "on being ready," an ironic twist of fate. ( on being ready ) i've written a bit on how it's my choice to stay » Continue Reading
Category: Life
let's suppose the world is an illusion. a matrix. a projection. a trick of the mind. this is the crux of my solipsism and nihilism. i am the equivalent of a brain in a jar, a host hooked up to machines that keep me truly unconscious. this is the essence of the experiences i've had 9 out of the 12 times i took LSD. i thought if i was finding out some deep truth about myself and the world, i ought t... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
social media influencers aren't real people what i mean is, the ones on Snapchat and Instagram who call themselves "lifestyle influencers." they're wealthy, usually born into their money and not "self-made". and trust me when i say i'm doing the readers a favor by not derailing into a conversation about capitalism right now. but my point is, they're all rich, conventionally attractive, typically w... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
when it comes to getting sober, you're either ready or you're not there's no magic pill to cure addiction. if there was, an addict would likely ask, "what happens if i take two?" ultimately, it's up to the addict to say they've had enough. sometimes that looks like getting in trouble with the law, facing an overdose, a family intervention. other times it's waking up the morning after a long night ... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
TL;DR: i'm "Queer" as in "fuck you." i prefer the term "Queer" as a catch-all to describe my sexuality and my gender. it just fits better. trying to explain to someone all the labels i technically fit into, can be exhausting. "Queer" just sums it up succinctly. it lets people know who need to know, and it leaves it open for interpretation for people who don't understand the nuances. more specifica... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
in SLAA, one of the characteristics is about "mistaking sexual and emotional anorexia for recovery." i've said it in other posts, but I spent my entire 20s getting loaded. i didn't develop socially, emotionally or mentally the same way as other people my age who didn't end up as drunks and druggies. i feel stunted. but people claim to see me as mature or wise. i said in a meeting last night, i don... » Continue Reading
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