the thought just doesn't leave my head i can't stop thinking about it i've been looking up the most painless way to do it now i'm just trying to build up the courage i have to be there the best i can for my family my friends and her, even though we don't have nothing, anymore i want to be in good terms with everyone when all's done i might finally do it i just need the courage » Continue Reading
i had a very emotional conversation with my ex-girlfriend she explained how felt i explained how i felt i described my headspace in the last couple of months, during and after our relationship ended i wasn't a very good person, friend, or boyfriend with no care for anyone, anything, myself, or life i have no goals, no wishes, i just breathe and try to stand each passing day i don't want to move ou... » Continue Reading
i've been thinking about killing myself recently it's a thought that's been with me for a few weeks now sadly it's becoming more of a consideration with every passing day therapy has been helping it really has but i only see my therapist once every two weeks because of money constraints and i think the lack of support for that amount of time is like torture if i'm at work i get anxiety if i'm off ... » Continue Reading
I've been absent for a while, longer than I meant. Things got better for once, to a certain degree. In one of the previous entries, I mentioned that I was having struggles getting a job and that I had issues with food-related jobs, so I find it quite funny that the one job I finally got after so long was exactly that. I worked for a month at a pizzeria—I personally hadn't frequented this place in ... » Continue Reading
I've decided to take a small hiatus from a few social platforms, life seems to find a way to beat the shit out of you when you least expect it, like right now. I always find it hard to put into words the things I feel, so I try to express myself in other ways, unfortunately, I haven't been able to do anything about that, so I just bottle up everything, and then I burst, and then I feel like shit a... » Continue Reading
This evening I decided to take a walk, no one was home, no one answered my texts or calls, and I was feeling extremely lonely—so it was sort of a last minute decision. I got dressed, left the house and just started walking where my body oriented me, I must have walked for about an hour and a half from and back to the house, I live in an isolated zone in my town—I walked a long road where few cars ... » Continue Reading
"Let's say goodbye with a smile, dear" "Just for a while dear we must part" "Don't let this parting upset you" "I'll not forget you, sweetheart" » Continue Reading
I'd like to start this by saying: Hello everyone, sorry I've been absent. My last entry was made over 11 months ago, and even though a lot has changed since then, my mental state remains similar, if not worse compared to the last entry. Besides the summer job that I repeated for the third summer in a row I have not been able to work anywhere else, I have been sending out résumes to different place... » Continue Reading
There are just days where everything goes wrong, and today was one of those days for me. For starters I've been having a lot of struggle sleeping, staying up late, more late than usual even, and it's not that I want to, but going to bed and starring at the ceilling waiting to fall asleep doesn't sound much more helpful, and with the lack » Continue Reading