She/it, 19. My icon is me.
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https://blog.spacehey.com/brideoftheflies
— 23 KudosPinned
Category: Blogging
I wasn't sure whether to post an update, it feels rather silly to create a whole blog post on this matter. But, I know a few of you care enough to wonder. So, for those who don't have access to my bulletins: Many of my entries are gone now. I can't say I'm surprised, it was inevitable. The ones that mattered, I've kept safe elsewhere. I've moved to Dreamwidth. I'll try to crosspost ... » Continue Reading
— 1 Comment— 26 Kudos
Category: Life
I don't remember most of my childhood. The parts I do remember, I'm unsure if they're truth. I trick myself rather often. My father was at work all the time. Despite living in the same Household, I didn’t know him. He was one of those men who believed presence could be substituted with Provision. He worked long hours, came home late, never greeted me. When he did speak, it was only to comment on... » Continue Reading
— 9 Comments— 49 Kudos
— 2 Comments— 20 Kudos
Category: Life
How strange it is, that I can have all this inside my person, but you read it as just poetry. My words aren’t meant to be understood, are they? They’re meant to be screenshotted, cropped, and shared with serif fonts and cigarette filters. Placed between quotation marks for teenagers to repost and say, “wow, cool.” Perhaps that’s my fault. Maybe I made my wounds too pretty. I dressed... » Continue Reading
— 6 Comments— 82 Kudos
Category: Writing and Poetry
Because you aren’t vulnerable enough! You can string together the prettiest phrases in the world, twist metaphors until they glitter, but if there’s no soul in it, then it's as good as decor. People mistake beauty for meaning all the time. They think if the words sound nice, they must be deep. But depth doesn’t come from the dictionary; it comes from dissection! You... » Continue Reading
— 3 Comments— 25 Kudos
Category: Life
In the same sense that I eat rotten food knowing I’ll vomit, I search for friendship knowing I’ll hate it. It’s ritual, religion, recursion... self-cannibalism disguised as connection. I feed on what festers. I feast on what fails. Every bite, every bond, another form of decay politely plated. I crave what nauseates me because it’s familiar, because it’s mine. Because when I’m sick... » Continue Reading
— 5 Comments— 33 Kudos
Category: Writing and Poetry
I press, I part, I permit them to plunge, my cavern, my womb, where whispers unhinge; maggots meander, murmur, melt and mingle, sliding, seeping, slicked in sacral tingle. They coil, they curl, they claim, they creep, my hollowed hallways, my vestibule deep; flesh folds flush, fervent, fervid, and fine, trembling tendrils twist through each sinew, each spine. I sip, I sigh, the sultry, soft swarm, » Continue Reading
— 12 Comments— 131 Kudos
Category: Life
People love purity. Clean clothes, clean morals, clean girl. Everything shiny, everything safe, everything polite. They love when you scrub yourself down until you’re palatable, until there’s nothing left to stain. Funny how “pure” starts to sound like “empty” after a while. Purity is a performance. A theater of the sterile, a ballet of the unbearable. They call it respect, reverence, an... » Continue Reading
— 2 Comments— 23 Kudos
Category: Life
I want to speak in tongues the maggots taught me. I want to swallow syllables until language sours. I held a rotten chop in my palm. It pulsed like a dying heartbeat, the skin bloated, seeping. But it wasn't alive. Inside was a tremor, pale coils of maggots. I tasted putrefaction. Iron, wet earth, broken promises. They were alive, writhing in my fingers, a language I understood when words fled. I ... » Continue Reading
— 8 Comments— 30 Kudos
Category: Religion and Philosophy
I do not eat raw meat to shock you. I do not eat it as some kink, as arousing as it happens to be. I eat it because it is my calling. When I eat raw flesh, I become Satan. Not some horned devil, but the actual title. שָׂטָן — Against. Opposing. The current that stands outside the fence. I step sideways into the stream that does not bow. It is not about purity or sin. It is abou... » Continue Reading
— 6 Comments— 32 Kudos
Category: Life
Disclaimer: mild NSFW mention? Two years. Two whole years. Together . And in that time? I was a monster. Controlling. Jealous. Neurotic. But he wasn’t innocent either. No, he fed it. He liked it, he let it grow. We were parasites locked in one host, chewing each other hollow. He influenced me, I influenced him, we spun around and down and down until the floor gave way. We used to ca... » Continue Reading
— 10 Comments— 39 Kudos
Category: Life
People treat my words like they arrive already bruised. Like every sentence drags behind it a tiny, invisible banner reading “but remember, they’re crazy!” It doesn’t matter what I say. Doesn’t matter if it’s a joke, a story, a prayer, a scream. Everything I utter passes through their filter first, shredded down into pulp, spat back out as “unreliable.” I could say the sky is blue and wa... » Continue Reading
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