The heavy weight of guilt Is breaking my knees again All the love I’ve tried to build I am scared to death once again Only when bearing guilt and despair Perfect in weakness and hated Trying to be honest and fair Perfect as nobody, uncreated Sweating blood and tears Tortured by my endless fears Why bother if there´s no love I want to rise up, away, above Trembling, to weak to cope Perfect i... » Continue Reading
Here I‘m trying to look after myself To calm the hideous thoughts I have I am feeling so small and vulnerable. The hot water from the shower is supposed to help Supposed to help me wash away the blackness of thought trickling slowly but persistently out of my brain. This pitch black sticky substance makes me feel heavy, tired - it’s pulling me down. At first the water seems to help - I imagine ... » Continue Reading
I wake up and I don’t know what time it is or what day it is. How long I have slept for. I am still exhausted. I feel like crying because once more I have woken up… I do not want to open my eyes as I cannot bare to face another day. How might I quit waking up? My skin feels disgusting. It feels like it is sticking to my bones, and at the same time like there is vermin under my skin. I want to d... » Continue Reading