i think part of me will always want attention. from him, especially. no matter how selfish it is, or how stupid the decisions i make are. i just want attention. i want someone to pay attention to me, in any way. arguing, loving, even just friendly chitchat. it makes me feel important, like im not easily forgotten. i need it » Continue Reading
who am i? im not the girl i once was. i used to be beautiful, skinny, and pretty. sure, i was underweight and not fed, but i didn’t hate looking at myself. i look down and all i can think is how fat i am. how disgusting, how rotten. it’s my entire body, i can see how every calorie affects my figure, my face, yet i do nothing about it. i’m disgusting and there’s no cure for it, is there? » Continue Reading
i think i rely too much on melatonin. i haven’t had it in a bit, because it makes me foggy. if i don’t have it, i’m not tired. i should be, i stay up far past when i’m supposed to and then i end up sleeping 14 hour nights. i want to buy more melatonin, so i can finally sleep normally at night. maybe it’s the situations i deal with. if i get into an argument at 9pm, i can just take 15mg of melatoni... » Continue Reading
why do i expect you to text me when you’ve told me to leave you be? i think “maybe he’ll keep talking to me if i bring more things up, try and converse with him.” but there’s no point, i know you don’t want to talk to me. you just want to be alone, and that’s all there is to it. but then you say i love you, why do you have to say it? it makes me feel like you’re not as upset as i think you are, an... » Continue Reading
sometimes i look in the mirror and i don’t see my face. i see a mix of my mother and my father, my features blurred into a mess of what used to be theirs. mirrors, i avoid them like the plague. how am i supposed to see myself in it, be so sure of myself? some days the mirror is clearer. i see my blue eyes, my broad shoulders, my pronounced nose. then i remember, i dont like these things about myse... » Continue Reading