18 is a milestone I thought we'd share together, your birthday was always a few weeks before mine. Facebook posts detailing you journey from Westmere to graduation tinge the edges of my soul with pain, but I'm still not sure what warranted this. I was your friend when you had none, ushering you into a life of thrift shopping and My Chemical Romance while you taught me of kalimbas and blue tongued... » Continue Reading
I can't even cry anymore, I'm getting bad again and this time I cannot be saved, nor do I fucking want to. Too much and too little are on my mind as I think back to New Years at Sjoerd's. Polaroids, champagne, bonfires and chatter are all so fucking distant, even thinking about the hugs and kisses shared on that faithful night are bittersweet. The only one in the group that I'm still fond of is Be... » Continue Reading
Another year of test results has slowly made its way around, and I cannot help but feel like a failure. Even though my marks don't define who I am, I feel lazy and defeated. I am only human, but I feel as though I burn and marr every relationship I'm in. Toxic people weaving their way back into my life is leaving me feel rather liminal in a time such as this. Call me vampiric, for I am nothing ... » Continue Reading
I never thought I'd be here for this long, but here I am, celebrating another day which is supposed to have some significance to me. I got next to nothing from my parents, and I'm crying because of it. I feel unwanted on my one day of the year. My friends that I spent today with, though, got me thoughtful gifts that I thoroughly enjoy. Soulless I watch my family grow closer toge » Continue Reading
The holidays are obnoxious Christmas is no longer festive, it's nothing but consumerism and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of a lot of things, actually. One of them is the embodiment of tiredness. I'm tired of that ugly beast rearing it's head and tearing the flesh and bone from my happiness and shrinking me down into a disheveled shell. I want late nights that aren't spent crying in my room wishing... » Continue Reading
I'm a nightmare, only a couple months away from being seventeen. Apparently I'm a selfish prick that lives in a fucking pig sty, but all I can see when I look in the mirror is someone who is severely mentally unwell. The scars that stain my skin are reminders of where I'll end up if I stay this way for any longer. On the verge of a breakdown with no motivation to carry through with it. So close... » Continue Reading
I never live in a world that exists outside of my own head. Things are easier when I'm socially recluse, never to be seen by another breathing entity. I don't have to pretend to care about people's grades, or their new jobs or their family pets tragic run-in with a car. I just get to be quiet, and not say or do anything that requires even the slightest sliver of empathy. I'm fully aware that I'm ... » Continue Reading
Fire melts but also creates; an empowering force that is easily contained. It still rages internally, and lashes when a door opens, but it still gives off a sense of tranquility when viewe » Continue Reading
I will be gorgeous in death. My lover utters that I am peaceful as I sleep, so maybe, I will be beautiful when my eyes shall never spring open again, and I lay there while my sins are tallied and I float above the sunflower field of the afterlife. Drain me of my life force and replace it with formaldehyde, hold my eyes closed and watch everyone in my life leave their tears on my face. But deep ... » Continue Reading
How do you feel now that you've lost all of your relevance? You're mortal, and a materialistic bitch at that. Just because you've got your licence and you can burn all the money in the world doesn't make you any better than anyone else. You're a Graceless being, despite the fact you take ballet. For someone who's meant to be built of lavender and poise, you're wilted and shameful. Narcissism w... » Continue Reading
Under the tree we sat, clicking away at a purple, dead lighter. Sprinting through a field to get another one, I found my mind wandering. Rambling and laughing through coughing up clouds of thick smoke, before making out way into the world. We were adventurers, exploring a foreign world. Like a dream, you walked beside me as I flourished in my new temporary reality. Nothing was real, but everythi... » Continue Reading
I feel myself slipping into a darkness, Insurmountable and deadly, but easily overlooked if you can't understand the flock of ravens that makes up my psyche. It makes it home behind my eyes, and it wants me to bleed myself dry. Noise, shrill screaming and honest chaos is all I experience as the rings around my eyes grow darker. If I could, I'd never face the sun again, only lurk beneath the day... » Continue Reading
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