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I'm a nightmare, only a couple months away from being seventeen.
Apparently I'm a selfish prick that lives in a fucking pig sty, but all I can see when I look in the mirror is someone who is severely mentally unwell.
The scars that stain my skin are reminders of where I'll end up if I stay this way for any longer.
On the verge of a breakdown with no motivation to carry through with it. So close to eating ether for every meal, but far too much of a fat little bitch to go ahead with it.
But still I'll wait for my demise, in a town such as this, while guilt-tripping parents and fake friends watch my external decay.
Watching someone tear themselves apart under your own roof must be hard if you actually cared about the self-destructive mess you reared and hand-fed.
The rings around my eyes get substituted for eyeliner each day, in order to hide my sleepless nights so I can still contact the outside world.
I always feel that I am one day closer to killing myself, and I know exactly how I would do it.
I'm not sure if I should confide that much in you, dear reader.
Finding temporary solutions for this awful shadow that lurks in my heart is hard, there's too much to be done and there's not enough people that care enough about me to stop me from ending it all.
Broadcasting this to the world feels like it's only making me more insignificant.
I can't even write a proper poem anymore, and I feel all the more pathetic for it.
I don't write letters to God anymore because he's well and truly abandoned us, and this world; this life even, was his experiment that won 1st place in a science fair, but it keeps germinating and transforming into an ugly mass, like a cancer almost, that festers and scabs and bleeds.
In the end, it'll kill itself and the host, because that's what cancers do best.
Maybe I am a cancer in my own right, a string of fucked up DNA that's lethal, that'll end someone's mind and also their own physical form that they came to love.
I don't believe in much anymore, but I believe that I wont go out by anyone else's hand but my own.
Retreating to wallow in self pity is a great way to spend my day.
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Robot
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