"yearning"
20, australia
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Category: Life
Sometimes during the long-winded sections of my lectures, I open up Chess.com (while aware of all the judgemental eyes behind me) and complete a blitz while half-listening to the lecturer drone on about alpha, beta, theta, eta. Sometimes you will be halfway through a game and realize that you've caught a piece (maybe a knight, a bishop) in a rather compromising position - but you cannot help but f... » Continue Reading
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Category: Life
It is Monday night and I am having Taco Tuesday. Fortunately this doesn't mean I have shifted timelines at all, and means I won't necessarily miss my very important meeting tomorrow. Which I continue to worry about - how on Earth am I meant to know what a moderation analysis is - though I know, for a fact, my supervisor will clarify this painlessly and easily. On the menu, I have some cooked lean ... » Continue Reading
— 2 Kudos
Category: Life
OGLE-TR-56 is a solitary G-type star located in the constellation Sagittarius, notable for hosting one of the first detected exoplanets, OGLE-TR-56b, in a remote and isolated region of space. The Last Night in Bedroom X I call the bedroom my "high school bedroom" because I moved in just as I started studying at my humble little performing arts college. I had survived several years in the dense and... » Continue Reading
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Category: Life
I feel like I have been putting this entry off for a long time. October ended abruptly, mentally revising psychology notes at the back of an unfamiliar vehicle, feeling cat scratches chewing into the flesh of my arm, stripes painted precisely in the pocket of a wall, stubble coarse across my tired face. The minute I did end up walking into university for one of my finals, there was a gross film of... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
This guy... this ferocious little Floridian... I never thought I would harbour positive feelings towards an American man but I surprise myself on a constant basis. We called for a few hours the other night (well, morning (?) for him I believe) and I was so nervous my heart was pounding. But he ended up saying that he really loved my voice, which I've always thought had a » Continue Reading
— 1 Kudos
Category: Life
1. Cutting a velvet ribbon Well, I bit the bullet and soft-blocked him on everything, as well as some of his friends who I know don't interact with me much. There was this pic getting shared around on everyone's socials where he's skipping around and holding hands with another guy I know - I realised I wasn't really at the point to just "be friends" with this guy, I hadn't detached enough yet. I g... » Continue Reading
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Category: Writing and Poetry
First, a meditation on codependency: You never really expect to find yourself hunched over on a bathroom floor, still half-wearing a tweed suit, now coiled around your neck and throat, phone in hand, with vomit prodding at the base of your tongue. You never really thought that things would look like this. There comes a point in your life when you need to admit that if you never loved somebody prop... » Continue Reading
Category: Writing and Poetry
Act 1: How I feel about dating apps Just finished completing a cardinal sin - arranging a date with a stranger only to cancel it. We were meant to go to the museum, we were meant to get lunch, but I had a sinking feeling that I wouldn't really be looking at him, not really. I would be trying to turn a man into an escape route, I would be revving an old car down a familiar highway, to the expense o... » Continue Reading
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Category: Writing and Poetry
Strange to see a picture of someone who, just recently, was like burning sunlight on my skin. His face looks different, hardened, the boyishness turned into a sharp army scowl. His hair is neat and pointy, his shoulders stiff and high. He's becoming himself, but I wonder where the softness is. If it will find its way back to him. I took a picture of myself today before I left for the arcade. There... » Continue Reading
Category: Writing and Poetry
I know loneliness like the back of my hand, it's either a gentle caress from a lamb or a strange sinking sensation at the base of my stomach. Despite the amount of warmth I brought towards those who I admired and loved, I did create these massive, overwhelming gas fires that burned me - hands, face and all. So I sit in my room, and play chess, and draw pictures, and listen to musi » Continue Reading
Category: Writing and Poetry
Aphelion is the point in the orbit of a celestial body where it is farthest from the sun. Perihelion is the point in the orbit of a celestial body where it is closest to the sun. I remember reading somewhere that love is like feeling the warmth of the sun, both from its perspective and the perspective of the sunburned watcher. The core of the sun is the warmest, and the surface, well, only scratc... » Continue Reading
Category: Romance and Relationships
I think I must've spent 3 hours crying in the shower today, just wondering what even made me the way I am, why I've continuously done this awful things to people without any reflection. I had someone give me the entire world and I was so entitled, so selfish about it all. I thought that because I had suffered my whole life, that I had suffocated under the boots of others, that I was deserving of s... » Continue Reading
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