NOW PLAYING: Take Five - Dave Brubeck 

( if you're seeing this, the music got changed :-0 )

a crowd of men in hats and blazers murmur collectively
imaginary microphones are shoved in the face of some random undead guy.
the murmuring dies, splits way to all but one comment;

"where consistent posting schedule?", said no one in particular.

good evening, denizens of spaceheater. i'm not gonna say something akin to 'didja miss me?' because it sounds weird to me. instead, i'll ask--how's life been? been alright? been bad? been living you instead of the other way around?

i've been just peachy these past couple of monotonous weeks. pull an all nighter, sleep till noon, forget to eat, play roblox in the night, fall asleep, rinse repeat. i'd go outside if it wasn't so blisteringly hot thanks to climate change. sometimes in that dreadful cycle i get the slightest bit of variation; sudden and unwelcomed apathy! ah yes, the [[Smooth Taste]] of [[NOTHING]]!

there will be moments where everything is completely fine and before i know it, i'm just stuck lying in the same spot i was once in, misery consuming me like an aggressive tidal wave. misery is nothing new to me; i've become acquainted with the old boy over the years. sure, it's had me lie in bed thinking i can sleep all my problems away, but it's never forced me to stay in bed--at least, not while during a break of sorts. school is an exception (even though i painstakingly force myself at some point).

and ah, school. prison. Hell. i've given it many affectionate little names over the years. it's my last year of highschool and HOPEFULLY, school altogether. if i value my half-life then i won't enroll in college for a degree i'll never use. but i don't particularly feel like mentioning that horrific place in this blogpost; i believe it's already starting off bleak enough when i start listing off depression symptoms.

but now onto the real question. it's in the title, it's what (probably) nobody's thinking:

Where have I been all summer? 

isn't the point of a blog to POST on it? while other people are viewbotting their own posts or whatever the fuck it is to be on the top blog entries, i'm just sitting around and watching the pot boil! we're burning oil here!

well, to be frank with you, i just haven't had the mindset nor the desire to post. have i had things to possibly post about? sure, if you like family drama and mediocre vacations. with that logic, i would be lying if i said i didn't have things to post about. but if i'm being completely honest, i don't want to post about what my trainwreck of a family is doing. if i'm the main thing i talk about here, why would i want to post about TWO different tragedies? (plus, they're awfully boring.)

it hasn't been all tragedy this summer, however. i've spent some nice sundays with my silly little boyfriend who is just SO so very gay and pretty and gives me life when times are shit. so what if my family comments on my acne and makes me feel invalidated as a trans man? my husband has my back and i have his.
not ONLY that but i think i've gotten some decent rest in the coming weeks. 2 months pass by much quicker when you're sleeping for most of them, but who isn't when they've got the chance? 

as you can see, there really isn't much notable stuff to put here, but i can list more reasons why posting's been delayed.
essentially, i said i was going to make a part two to my music post (mention seen here, actual post in mention seen here) but that got delayed due to motivation issues, along with the highly unfortunate realization i had about a Tanzelcore artist. dude is a n*zi and i CANNOT stand for that shit. i don't wanna drop the name because 1, he's kinda Really Well Known in that little genre (the fucker literally pioneered it), and 2, i don't wanna incidentally promote the bastard. even if i wasn't a punk i genuinely wouldn't wanna mention him by name either.

but yeah, essentially--i was writing the post (which would've been posted BEFORE my vacation, mind you) and figured i should find more info about Tanzelcore and kellersynth. it's kinda a lost cause for either genres, due to its pioneer being fascist and it having a lot of other fascists (if not ppl promoting dr*g abuse) contributing to it. what is Tanzelcore/kellersynth, you may ask, and why was i interested if the guy who made it is a fascist?

because it's fucking wizard themed beep-boop noises.

it is literally PRIMARILY instrumental edm that revolves around WIZARDRY. 
FANTASY THEMES, IF YOU WILL.
DUDES RUNNING AROUND IN THE FOREST IN WHIMSICAL MASKS AND ROBES.
and somehow! Some! How! the guy who made it managed to litter his music with literal n*zi dogwhistles. and the worst part is, he goes by SEVERAL different fucking aliases. RateYourMusic lists most of them i believe. i could go on forever about how upset i am that he actually makes decent sounding music, but then i'd burst a blood vessel and this post would turn into a rant.

so! changing the subject.

What will the few readers of my annual crashout sessions on this site see in the future?

well, i'm glad you asked, bold and itallic text that i'm pretty sure i worded incorrectly. expect to see detailed posts concerning OCs, worldbuilding, and possibly roleplay, roblox or gaming related things, Very likely school related things (unfortunately), and more that i can't think of off the top of my head.

for the record, you are, in fact, going to hear me rant about Carach Angren and various metal bands. particularly Carach Angren.

moral of the story? i don't know. why'd i start putting this down here anyways? the point is that i've been too drained and sad to post consistently all summer. expect to see some more shit here when i'm dragged by my scruff back into those dreadful hallways, lockers and sneering faces lining the entrance to my inevitable year of torture.

bye-bye for now!